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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Neighborsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 203
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 450
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1290



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNeighborsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your pattern of communication
    contains variables that have me seeking
    the most divine elements in patience and peace and reminds me that I am not in control

    and that when I glance it should not be in the
    mirror
    at my own eyes
    crying
    exposing
    looking

    We are both in the habit of reacting
    An ugly giant that rearranges the parables of his many works

    What kind of distraction of self indulgence is this to me that has me constantly benifiting from your
    skin
    and the taste of your mouth
    and the
    bullet holes that you press inside me

    Your pistol always loaded, on safety for sure you taught me that

    Taught me how to throw a knife
    The mechanics of aim, focus, heart
    Taught me how to shoot
    with both eyes open


    Boasting of how much stronger you made me
    Like Iron sharpening Iron only
    I know how weak I truly am
    seeing my own eyes
    instead of the eye of the storm
    or the eyes of a much larger face
    that ticks inside me
    and tells me
    things that I don't hear


    Etched fingerprints of some great Hand





    Submitted on 2011-07-23 09:45:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This piece held me in place. Only my eyes moved from left to right,eating the words and tasting them with mind's tongue. This is very good. Two magnets...repelled from another when backs are turned but propelled toward one another when a kiss is in the air.
    | Posted on 2011-08-09 00:00:00 | by malcolmknight | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. You should have posted it as poetry. It is a poem by any means. It reminds me of my ex gf and how we used to play together. She once blackened my right eye with a knee blow by mistake. I was actually kinda proud of it. Haha! Damn, I miss her too much. I was stupid, I was the one to show her the door...
    | Posted on 2011-07-24 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      I once heard that if you are not working to listen, you are not really listening. I also believe if we are not working to love, we are not really loving either.

    When people test our patience, we learn how better to love. It is easy to love those who ask nothing of us, but what about those who do?

    Is it really self-indulgence to enjoy the comforting presence of another? A good question. I would say, if you are giving something in return, then no, it is not.

    I also love the line "the bullet holes you press inside me." If there is no hole, there is nothing to be filled. Only a hole implies filling.

    Etched fingerprints of some great hand... I like that.

    Take Care,
    Erin
    | Posted on 2011-07-23 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
      Fantastic freeform here, I think this is a good example of how it should be done, I second Jacob's comment but I love the piece for what it is.

    "Your pistol always loaded, on safety for sure you taught me that"

    this line really is the kicker, for me it ties everything together, maybe we can call it the motoric event that the whole piece ties into, I think it speaks a lot of different meanings and leaves a lot for the mind to build on its own to form a meaning.
    | Posted on 2011-07-23 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      this is like a friend who has armed us against the pain of life and relationships...helping us protect ourselves...

    i see the weaponry parts as metaphor...and like especially the "the bullet holes you press inside me"

    would really like to see more of the poem lean in that direction..the metaphor works so well...at times it gets into pretty common phrasing and takes away a bit from what could even be stronger impact.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-07-23 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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