Your pattern of communication
contains variables that have me seeking
the most divine elements in patience and peace and reminds me that I am not in control
and that when I glance it should not be in the
at my own eyes
We are both in the habit of reacting
An ugly giant that rearranges the parables of his many works
What kind of distraction of self indulgence is this to me that has me constantly benifiting from your
and the taste of your mouth
bullet holes that you press inside me
Your pistol always loaded, on safety for sure you taught me that
Taught me how to throw a knife
The mechanics of aim, focus, heart
Taught me how to shoot
with both eyes open
Boasting of how much stronger you made me
Like Iron sharpening Iron only
I know how weak I truly am
seeing my own eyes
instead of the eye of the storm
or the eyes of a much larger face
that ticks inside me
and tells me
things that I don't hear
This piece held me in place. Only my eyes moved from left to right,eating the words and tasting them with mind's tongue. This is very good. Two magnets...repelled from another when backs are turned but propelled toward one another when a kiss is in the air.
I like this. You should have posted it as poetry. It is a poem by any means. It reminds me of my ex gf and how we used to play together. She once blackened my right eye with a knee blow by mistake. I was actually kinda proud of it. Haha! Damn, I miss her too much. I was stupid, I was the one to show her the door...
Fantastic freeform here, I think this is a good example of how it should be done, I second Jacob's comment but I love the piece for what it is.
"Your pistol always loaded, on safety for sure you taught me that"
this line really is the kicker, for me it ties everything together, maybe we can call it the motoric event that the whole piece ties into, I think it speaks a lot of different meanings and leaves a lot for the mind to build on its own to form a meaning.
this is like a friend who has armed us against the pain of life and relationships...helping us protect ourselves...
i see the weaponry parts as metaphor...and like especially the "the bullet holes you press inside me"
would really like to see more of the poem lean in that direction..the metaphor works so well...at times it gets into pretty common phrasing and takes away a bit from what could even be stronger impact.