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    dots Submission Name: The offeringdots

    Author: snacky fish
    ASL Info:    31/male/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 377/472/111
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 571
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 565


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe offeringdots

    The offering to make
    My soul to take
    The lust of my skin
    My desire for your sin

    The faith of flesh
    And your caress
    Like a bitten neck
    I bleed at your beck

    The passionate possession
    Is my sultry obsession
    Mounting and deep
    To be where you sleep

    The curse of a kiss
    Calling to coexist
    The loving of my lips
    Exploring your hips

    The sensual suicide
    Dying to be inside
    The offering to make
    My soul to take

    Submitted on 2011-07-24 00:46:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      It is so wonderful how I enjoy your work, topics reversed from what I normally write. I like that.

    The faith of flesh
    And your caress
    Like a bitten neck
    I bleed at your beck

    I like how faith of flesh creates a parallel almost, and how faith and flesh are two contradictions standing on their own. Well at least in the sense that I review the two. If you go by the ol faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen, and apply that to flesh it actually creates something really interesting.

    Thanks for sharing
    | Posted on 2011-08-01 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it. It flowed so cohesively, and the rhymes do not seem forced at all. I don't have a critique to offer; it was just a very enjoyable sexy dark piece.
    | Posted on 2011-07-24 00:00:00 | by Agent V. | [ Reply to This ]
      This should be a song imo. The rhymes are pretty decent. The flow is good too. Keep writing!
    | Posted on 2011-07-24 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written very well. flowed nicely and the imagery was good. It was dark, mysterious and sexy. Though I love rhyme it seemed to have confined this piece. It feels like there would have been more room to breathe with free verse, but thats just me.
    Altogether, this is a superb piece.

    Keep up the good work and I'll keep reading

    | Posted on 2011-07-24 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      well that's a wonderful poem i like it because it seems to be almost like mixing sex with the theme of the whole poem. you know honestly i think it is very sexually oriented and if its not then i guess that is how i relate to it cause i see big giant letters reading s SEX going across in fact i like this poem a lot!!!!! I am adding it to my favs.
    | Posted on 2011-07-24 00:00:00 | by gothicgirl | [ Reply to This ]

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