Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My skin suffersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: snacky fish
    ASL Info:    31/male/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 377/472/111
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 541
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 479



    Description:
       This is a product of me knowing I should not be so damn sexualy frustrated. It's ok though, there is one hella lucky girl in my future. Take care and sex it up appropriately. =P


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy skin suffersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the mire
    That is my desire
    I wrench and ache
    Toiling and troubled
    My skin suffers
    The love I won't make

    In the storm's eye
    Where vows go to die
    I scream and shiver
    Alone and ailing
    My skin suffers
    Cupid's empty quiver

    In the inferno
    Where burns the virgo
    I writhe and rack
    Lone and longing
    My skin suffers
    The lust that I lack




    Submitted on 2011-07-26 00:51:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I always think sex is a good topic to write about, specially when its not overly sexual but it gets the point across, nice! shit though as great as it is to have the touch of another person no one does it better then me anyway! Idk I am girl and your boy maybe its different for you guys but one way or another you write well being frustrated so maybe its not so bad? lol
    -Jess-
    | Posted on 2011-07-26 00:00:00 | by gothicgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem, a lot of texture if you will.
    Despite the poem's intended meaning and the use of such words:
    "desire, lust cupid's...quiver, vows"

    I still didn't picture a sexually frustrated man in this at all. I think it's more of a descentitized man to twist things for a moment.

    The first line:
    "In the mire, that is my desire"
    Hints at the richness of this sexual frustration,
    but the poem goes on.

    "In the storms eye, where vows go to die"
    I'd like to think of the storm as this symbol for sexual desire, in this piece.
    Well if that's the storm then what's the eye?
    The eye is this calming, this moment of being satisfied.....but it won't last. Once the eye passes over, you're back in the storm.

    "My skin suffers, the lust that I lack"
    So you went from "The love I won'y make"
    and then vows died in the eye of the storm,
    to "the lust that I lack"
    Becoming descentitized maybe?

    I don't know, just thought I'd offer up a new perspective.
    | Posted on 2011-07-26 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      A raging storm of desire, and I do agree with Jacob. Nicely penned :)


    Althea~
    | Posted on 2011-07-26 00:00:00 | by AltheaLaochra | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this..it is suggestive without being over the top explicit...several of the latest posts have been that...was one of the reasons i had written taboo...was so tired of what just didn't feel like poetry..

    this hints...and has some steam without dripping...
    one spot :

    "in the storm's eye"

    yes, passion is like a storm...torrential, fleeting...then the clearing...and how strong is the love during the calm times? enough to wait for the next storm?

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-07-26 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    191821

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Stretto written by saartha
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    This written by Chelebel
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry