Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My skin suffersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: snacky fish
    ASL Info:    31/male/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 377/472/111
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 472
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 479



    Description:
       This is a product of me knowing I should not be so damn sexualy frustrated. It's ok though, there is one hella lucky girl in my future. Take care and sex it up appropriately. =P


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy skin suffersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the mire
    That is my desire
    I wrench and ache
    Toiling and troubled
    My skin suffers
    The love I won't make

    In the storm's eye
    Where vows go to die
    I scream and shiver
    Alone and ailing
    My skin suffers
    Cupid's empty quiver

    In the inferno
    Where burns the virgo
    I writhe and rack
    Lone and longing
    My skin suffers
    The lust that I lack




    Submitted on 2011-07-26 00:51:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I always think sex is a good topic to write about, specially when its not overly sexual but it gets the point across, nice! shit though as great as it is to have the touch of another person no one does it better then me anyway! Idk I am girl and your boy maybe its different for you guys but one way or another you write well being frustrated so maybe its not so bad? lol
    -Jess-
    | Posted on 2011-07-26 00:00:00 | by gothicgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem, a lot of texture if you will.
    Despite the poem's intended meaning and the use of such words:
    "desire, lust cupid's...quiver, vows"

    I still didn't picture a sexually frustrated man in this at all. I think it's more of a descentitized man to twist things for a moment.

    The first line:
    "In the mire, that is my desire"
    Hints at the richness of this sexual frustration,
    but the poem goes on.

    "In the storms eye, where vows go to die"
    I'd like to think of the storm as this symbol for sexual desire, in this piece.
    Well if that's the storm then what's the eye?
    The eye is this calming, this moment of being satisfied.....but it won't last. Once the eye passes over, you're back in the storm.

    "My skin suffers, the lust that I lack"
    So you went from "The love I won'y make"
    and then vows died in the eye of the storm,
    to "the lust that I lack"
    Becoming descentitized maybe?

    I don't know, just thought I'd offer up a new perspective.
    | Posted on 2011-07-26 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      A raging storm of desire, and I do agree with Jacob. Nicely penned :)


    Althea~
    | Posted on 2011-07-26 00:00:00 | by AltheaLaochra | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this..it is suggestive without being over the top explicit...several of the latest posts have been that...was one of the reasons i had written taboo...was so tired of what just didn't feel like poetry..

    this hints...and has some steam without dripping...
    one spot :

    "in the storm's eye"

    yes, passion is like a storm...torrential, fleeting...then the clearing...and how strong is the love during the calm times? enough to wait for the next storm?

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-07-26 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    191821

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Etiquette written by saartha
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Records I written by Raphael
    Dream written by closetpoet
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    prison written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry