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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: bad dream dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: afra
    ASL Info:    15/female/canada
    Elite Ratio:    1.33 - 4/9/19
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 585
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 603



    Description:
       some people only laugh with you but when they see you in tears they leave you


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbad dream dots
    -------------------------------------------


    i closed my eyes ,
    in a dark night ,
    took a flight to the imagination sky ,

    then i saw your face ,
    i taught you were the one for me ,
    your love i began to chase ,

    together we smiled ,
    but when i was in pain you left me ,
    you were with me just for a while ,

    you left me out in the rain ,
    the truth was really hard to face ,
    but i was strong so i swallowed that pain ,

    then i opened my eyes ,
    saw what was the right ,
    and was glad to find out that you were just a bad dream ,




    Submitted on 2011-07-27 08:07:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i would like to see you do more stuff like "took a flight to imagination sky"

    that is a sharp line...and very poetic and fresh...

    work on that kind of imagery...maybe more metaphor..there is a lot of common phrasing in your work that might but twisted and turned into more poetically astounding language...

    surprise us...the concepts you are using will still there be there...but maybe do more hinting with images than straightforward prosy lines...

    i see some really good lines in spots...much potential..

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-07-27 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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    191844

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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