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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Observationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Epiphany
    ASL Info:    42/F/Universe
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 3342/2139/390
    Words: 34
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 675
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 249



    Description:
       Happy day! Noticed when I traveled that people are looking down at their phones, pads, kindles, etc.
    Why lose lookINg around - that's where the real intimate stimulation and we can see what is creation and what we have created


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsObservationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Seems like people
    aren't looking
    around any more

    The view of tv, pad
    and text
    many more adore

    In observation
    of this fact

    From this world
    I retract




    Submitted on 2011-07-28 15:10:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Whatever the techniques you used, this works for me. You capture in a few words the new world in which people are connected much through devices and less by their immediate presence.
    | Posted on 2011-07-28 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      technically, i think that the opening line is casual/colloquial while the use of rhyme
    and meter for the second half of the poem is formal, especially with the inversions.

    my thoughts are that that doesn't work.
    & that on the other hand it is quite fitting
    & funny. the robotics of it i guess. and how that makes the statement.

    the poem is just fine by itself without the description, and that's a good thing.
    | Posted on 2011-07-28 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      you said this so well....something that has been on my mind and in my eyes for so long now...people are never where they are anymore...even people walking down the street together; they are usually texting or on cell phones and not talking to each other...sad but true..
    this is short and sweet!

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-07-28 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I really love short and sweet writings. I feel like they always have the most to say. The condensing of the words just makes them more powerful to me.
    I also really love the subtle rhymes. It's not overbearing or childish, but creates a nice harmony between the words.
    I completely agree with what is being said; people seem to just shut down and seclude themselves wherever they go.
    The supposed age of connectivity is such a lie. Sure, we can talk to people hundreds of miles away in an instant, but I feel like it makes us forget to pay attention to what's right in front of us.
    | Posted on 2011-07-28 00:00:00 | by Rainwater | [ Reply to This ]


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