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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Believe Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: allmine
    ASL Info:    25/chick/your nightmares
    Elite Ratio:    2.52 - 33/69/45
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 650
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 698



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBelieve Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Look at me in the eyes and believe me
    when i tell you that I'm okay.
    Believe me when I tell you that
    It doesn't bother me when your with her.
    Believe me when i tell you that I don't care.
    Believe me when I tell you that I'm not crying.t
    Believe me when i tell you that I'm not dying on the inside.
    Believe me when I tell you that I didn't fall for you this quickly.
    Believe me when I tell you that I am truly happy.
    Believe me when I tell you that your not the reason I'm upset. believe me when i tell you that I'm telling you the truth.
    Now believe me when I tell you I was lying.....




    Submitted on 2011-07-28 16:48:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hm... You've got something here. But the poem is way too long to be relying on this trick to work. You should make it a bit shorter and more dynamic. Keep writing!
    | Posted on 2011-07-29 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      I amscanning the posts looking for words that carry feeling.

    logically: if a person takes the time to say they don't care they are either annoyed, angry or

    it's that yup, they very much do care.

    therefore
    the last line is sort of excess to requirements because it expresses what anyone with half a clue has gathered within
    the first couple of lines.

    i'd look at putting some variation into the way this is structured. but, at least the words, they carry feeling. if you can't express that then that is a bit scientific.
    | Posted on 2011-07-28 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Very well written. I think we've all been here. And if someone hasn't, they're very lucky haha.
    The repetition is very powerful, and I like how it breaks with the last line. It really sets it apart from the rest of the writing.
    | Posted on 2011-07-28 00:00:00 | by Rainwater | [ Reply to This ]


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