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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ~ I Bleach The Nightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Bloodstone
    ASL Info:    3.4/ ink/ Asylum empire
    Elite Ratio:    3.31 - 108/138/121
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 578
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 931



    Description:
       Death will not get you any closer to Heaven...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots~ I Bleach The Nightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    To descend among
    And summon
    Yet so out of sight
    Its hard to believe
    Just canít do anything right.

    What good are you
    If passion is absent in your eyes?
    Not to even promise- in fear of
    not hurting you.
    Out, in, gone
    Vanished, right through the sands of time.

    Smuggle now
    Because they are rapidly
    taking our rights away.
    To think, free to do as pleased
    No tolerance- not pleased with you.
    Youíll pay the price.

    Were you missed Guided?
    What fool you are
    For not following your own path.
    Do not rest on expectation
    Plant your morals in stone.
    Rooted in the sea, destine for the stars.

    { What most needs to be said, are the things we hate. Not knowing that what we hurt, is very sincere. Loves us, and is very close to our heart.}




    Submitted on 2011-07-28 22:50:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the pause that the last line creates over the first stanza,
    leaves the reader waiting for the next turn

    Were you missed Guided?
    What fool you are
    For not following your own path.
    Do not rest on expectation
    Plant your morals in stone.
    Rooted in the sea, destine for the stars.

    I think there is a lot in this stanza, at least for me. The first line is so brutally honest and suggestive, strong.

    Also planting morals in stone, rooted in sea, destined for starts, all seems a little contradictory. But I must have missed it. You are calling someone out and more or less demanding or correcting the issue you have seen, do not rest on expectation, then are going on to give example of this foolish behavior with metaphor? Efforts are lost in stone, drowning in the sea, perhaps burning out towards the stars. And I think that the stars part could be more elaboration on expectation. I do like this, it was interesting to read, I love it when I am provoked to take a closer look like this.

    Thanks for sharing,

    :)

    JAzmine
    | Posted on 2011-08-01 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not sure about the transistion of the stanzas. It seems as if each stanza sits on it's own as one individual concept, and all of them are wrapped around this one theme. I guess that works.

    I read the description, and I read the poem again, and I really just can't put my finger on this one. Maybe it's too early.

    Well, there seems to be this theme about judging, like the narrator is judging the reader. In these hurried tones, as in to get us moving.
    | Posted on 2011-07-29 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      A lot of good thoughts here. I like the play on missed Guided. The rhyme in the first stanza seems forced which thankfully didn't repeat later but it stopped me briefly to wonder what I was getting myself into. Nonetheless I like what you did.
    | Posted on 2011-07-28 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]


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