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    dots Submission Name: Out of Timedots

    Author: Paradox
    ASL Info:    33/m/Earthbound
    Elite Ratio:    4.58 - 1055/434/90
    Words: 294
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 560
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 872


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    dotsOut of Timedots

    We are spinning
    spinning around time
    With eyes burning
    yours burning like mine
    We are spinning
    spinning out of control
    With hair glowing
    black glowing charcoal
    We are losing
    losing our minds
    Watch me fading
    I am fading like blinds
    We are losing
    losing our lives
    Watch skin melting
    us melting like a cloud
    We are dreaming
    dreaming out loud
    Who is screaming
    you're screaming or am I?
    We are dreaming
    dreaming about time!

    Submitted on 2011-07-30 06:34:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is so musical. Your work have music entwined and sewn into each phrase. Its very enjoyable to read. Dark yet so fascinating.
    | Posted on 2016-10-20 00:00:00 | by ShadowParadox | [ Reply to This ]
      @ Carosuel That's totally intentional. The action takes place in a dream so when I say I am fading away it means I come back to reality and start to fade from the dream itself. That's why that little flash is there to try to convey that moment in a dream when you're awake for a second. By reading your response it seems I succeeded in doing this but maybe you're right and it takes away too much from the rest of the poem...
    | Posted on 2012-12-18 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      And you were worried about me? Cool.

    | Posted on 2012-09-23 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      To me, some lines felt off. The whole thing feels like free-falling. Then here comes this line "Watch me fading/I am fading like blinds" and it's like jolting me back into reality and out of the poem. KWIM?

    Anyway, that's my two cents.
    | Posted on 2012-03-16 00:00:00 | by Carosuel | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah, 'dreaming out loud'...that caught my attention too. Its like, wow, everyone knows what you're thinking...your dreams mean something to everyone..and yes it does..the dream's about time!
    | Posted on 2011-08-10 00:00:00 | by Amma | [ Reply to This ]
      "Who is screaming
    you're screaming or am I?"

    This is something i'll like to call resonance of absence... like a haunted conscience. Throughout, you have deftly combined lyricism with the texture of form.

    Well, it is quite fast paced and ends abruptly... nice rhythmic dexterity here!
    | Posted on 2011-08-06 00:00:00 | by Kaddish | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how this jumps back and forth like a conversation is being held during a dance.

    It's like looking into your partners eyes for reassurance, "is this happening?"
    Like someone's first time wondering if this is real.
    And just when you thought you were running out of time....time stopped and you were at ease for the first time in a while.

    That's what I got out of this anyways.
    | Posted on 2011-08-02 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      such a beautiful mending and blending of rhymes making a rhythm, a flow.. V.delicate and sweet..

    ''dreaming out loud'' ........ Lovely!
    | Posted on 2011-08-02 00:00:00 | by Iram | [ Reply to This ]
      once again...i quite like this piece, by the way.

    and wish it showed up on our board.

    | Posted on 2011-07-30 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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