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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dreams of Unending Bassdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mr.Ordinary
    ASL Info:    21/M/Navy
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 64/102/41
    Words: 60
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 446
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 380



    Description:
       As always there is only one thing that can ever get me writing. This isn't really how I feel anymore i've grown up, but the past is all i can think about recently.

    Disclaimer: I will ignore any grammar natzi, I believe that poetry doesn't need perfect grammar.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDreams of Unending Bassdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dreams of unending bass,
    smoothed by the look on your face

    To challenge the end,
    to wake from that past, that just wont pass

    To run in fear,
    that I cant hold you near

    Pre-engineered pain,
    This no longer a game

    What do I lack,
    Why cant I bring you back?







    Submitted on 2011-07-30 07:23:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Pre-engineered pain,
    This no longer a game

    I think that these lines alone says volumes and I really really like this idea.

    That not only is this pain something that was crafted but it was PRE engineered, oh I just love that. You have caught on to a truth in this line, or observed something that lies underneath the surface. That you have stumbled onto something you take seriously, and it is not a game to you.
    Very well said.
    | Posted on 2011-08-03 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      let me cut-short
    all the postes ........./ so far, I think
    have summed everything up already!

    i think [ Jaco posting] was right on point
    i agree 1000% on that stated view.

    - if your NOT writing perfect Grammer
    then its not a perfect poem.

    heres a note: it might be ok & needed
    when yr n the BRAINSTORM/ CRAFTING MODE
    but when you jump into
    drafting, proofread, edting, practice read,
    GRAMMER IS VERY MUCH NEEDED !

    PS NOTE: navy-ies are killed by nazi !
    | Posted on 2011-08-03 00:00:00 | by Bloodstone | [ Reply to This ]
      Wonderfully written!

    My fav lines-

    Dreams of unending bass,
    smoothed by the look on your face

    To challenge the end,
    to wake from that past, that just wont pass

    :)

    Althea~
    | Posted on 2011-08-02 00:00:00 | by AltheaLaochra | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece carries all the emotion,longing for something that cant be righted,a loss either in death or in complications of affective origins. Like it. Just wish it hard been longer. Hey grammar and spelling errors are big deals. Cause the former affects the way ur audience appreciates the central theme of ur piece. I feel spellings can distract .that is misspellings.
    Good write!
    Henry
    | Posted on 2011-07-31 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written very well. Short, simple, and vague.
    It felt sad, angry, and nostalgic.
    Great piece.

    Keep up the good work and I'll keep reading.

    H
    | Posted on 2011-07-30 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      there are some nice thoughts, but it is not about being a grammar nazi...

    when poems have misspellings and grammar mistakes, it takes away from the impact of the piece...and as short as poems usually are...lack of editing or caring about it, usually indicates careless writing...

    obviously we are human and there will be typos we might miss..but...contractions in this need apostrophes..."won't" "can't"

    doesn't take much to proofread..and all the effort of thought and creativity you show may be appreciated much more....

    just thoughts

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-07-30 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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