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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: An apocalypse of lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: snacky fish
    ASL Info:    31/male/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 377/472/111
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 528
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 788



    Description:
       Divorce and separation. Be as harsh as possible when commenting. I am not finished with this and would like real insight from other poets.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAn apocalypse of lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The herald to my heart
    Warned of coming days
    An apocalypse of love
    Followed by desolace

    In vain,
    Unheeded,
    Too late

    The illusion of comfort
    Allowed the horseman of apathy
    To pole shift our hearts

    The rider of dysfunction followed
    Turning kisses callous
    Burning sympathy to ashes

    Blowing on the cinders
    The horseman of despair lingered
    Basking in the fallout

    Lastly the rider of separation
    Ended the cataclysm culling
    All affection until extinction

    In endless wasteland nights
    Lifeless expanses of life
    Spending days lost in the dunes

    Wandering,
    Weakening,
    Starving




    Submitted on 2011-08-01 00:51:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i thought it was very blanced -
    crative indeed. they stroy was a strong suite
    and it really kept me in,

    the thought of THE horse image --
    i just keep thinking
    about playing ZELDA

    i think the piece was taking a gamble
    2 many cutz & line Breaks

    rewrite - izn't the right statment......its good
    just choose your step wisely...

    i'm waiting 4trap doorz ...wann read MORE .
    | Posted on 2011-08-03 00:00:00 | by Bloodstone | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this comparison of the apocalypse with that of love.
    The horsemen thing was rather epic and creative, I must say.

    On a different note, are we on a different board now?
    | Posted on 2011-08-02 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      I dunno, you need more action here. As it is the poem is too descriptive, you need more explosions too. What is an Apocalypse without fire and explosions? Hehe! :) Try reading my poem Final Words for inspiration, it's got a related theme going: http://www.eliteskills.com/z/21863
    Hope I've helped! Keep writing!
    | Posted on 2011-08-01 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      I would really like to see a broadened version of this, more detail in each stanza.

    I really like the direction I think it is very creative. And I think the first stanza sets this piece up very nicely.

    It isn't that this piece does not work, it is complete where it stands, I just have the desire for this, for something more on a personal note mayebe, examples in any way you see fit of the instances you are describing. Thats me. I don't knnow exactly what it is I am looking for, I guess character in this piece, that's something that I enjoy it helps me relate.

    Not at all necessary. :) Thanks for sharing.

    JAZ
    | Posted on 2011-08-01 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]


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