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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bathingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 558
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 563



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBathingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I like the sound of water so much
    and the way my feet look poking out of the mouth of the tub
    curves diving into curves making akward pear shaped jelly beans

    It reminds me of Frida Kahlo What the Water Gave Me
    I remember when I first saw that painting
    and how I thought of my own nimble toes swimming in the sea

    I want to wrap my arms around the desert sun and drown myself in leagues of quenching drops

    I imagined being a mermaid
    and applied dishwashing liquid to the bathroom floor




    Submitted on 2011-08-02 14:58:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this a lot. I'm quite a fan of Frida Kahlo, so any mention of her is a plus. I love: "...of the tub
    curves diving into curves making akward pear shaped jelly beans". I also like:

    I want to wrap my arms around the desert sun and drown myself in leagues of quenching drops

    I imagined being a mermaid
    and applied dishwashing liquid to the bathroom floor.

    That makes me think you might be going to make a room full of bubbles or go sliding on the soapy floor.

    To pick some nits, you misspelled awkward, and I actually think the title of the painting should be itialicised or underlined (according to the MLA).

    I've been really impressed by your recent work, by the way.

    Amy
    | Posted on 2011-08-04 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      i would put the name of the painting in quotation marks..and maybe make the artist possessive...that line reads a bit awkwardly..

    yes, this is a quirky poem...comparing a great artist's work to my toes in the bathtub looking like little pears...and artists so often do paintings of fruit, in still life.

    and this person could be thinking of her own still life, and how she wants to be something else...a mermaid...and the dishwashing liquid..to cleanse herself of her old life...and slip into the new form...perhaps..

    very interesting, avant-garde type piece..

    i like the creativity of it.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-08-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Applying dishwashing liquid to the bathroom floor? Hmm . . . why would you do that? I find almost all . . . actually all of Frida's stuff to be depressing . . . it's great stuff . . . but her stuff always has some twisted elements in them . . . a reflection of her life and her mind . . . I don't think of how nimble my toes would be in the ocean when I look at What the Water Gave me. Just saying. It's a depressing painting. Like almost all her paintings, it is about the depressing things that happened in her life and the tub represents how as a child her life seemed wondrous and fun and the images show the sadness of it all unfolding the way it did.

    Anyway, this was filled with way more good feelings than any of Frida's stuff. Made me feel good :)
    | Posted on 2011-08-02 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      2 lines that stand out in my read

    1'st line that beginnings the piece
    and the clos-ing line

    the mermaid line :
    simba- liziam for FEMALE

    I;D SAY ITZ A KEEPER !!
    very arty. soft

    very original - very brave
    | Posted on 2011-08-02 00:00:00 | by Bloodstone | [ Reply to This ]
      this is like train cars of thought linked together. and that is what i like most about it, how it jumps around but is absolutely connected, even in its randomness.

    how it goes from sound, to shapes, to jelly beans and frida. how your own thoughts intertwined with all of these things.

    i love this thought - I want to wrap my arms around the desert sun and drown myself in leagues of quenching drops

    and then you end it so quirkily.

    yup. enjoyable read. thanks.

    | Posted on 2011-08-02 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    191963

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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