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    dots Submission Name: Husksdots

    Author: Soul-Hugger
    ASL Info:    33/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 401/217/62
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 490
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 704


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Across the street, a man walks his dog.
    There is the delightful sound of tags tinkling.
    Overhead, the meteors fall; laser beams abstract
    On a black velvet palette.

    Tomorrow I will wake to the lazy drone of lawnmowers,
    The earthy-sweet scent of grass.
    There will be birds at the feeder, gentle wind swaying branches,
    Carrying husks while the seeds are cracked for nourishment.

    And I think; how lucky we are, how blessed,
    To be able to find pleasure in such small distractions.
    It seems they were made just for us,
    And the strain of years whisks away in a moment.

    Submitted on 2011-08-03 10:31:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      So it's kind of getting at life's simple pleasures, erasing the pain of life.
    And these things hide us, for what we truly are, and what we truly enjoy, that's what I belive.
    I believe we can all find pleasure in things that lack substance, but these are temporary and we will still feel unhappy.

    And I think, ok I know<i/> that you were hinting at that.

    "it seems like these things were made for us"

    and they were. Little subtleties to keep us content with the western world. Little things to make us happy for a while so we don't realize that we're just working until the day we retire, and then die.

    But for small moments we can hide everything behind such distractions, these designed distractions, and feel....at ease.

    I like this use of husks and seeds in this poem. Being carried off by the wind, and then getting pushed into the ground, where ever they may lay. Receiving water and nourishment, with no real say in anything.
    Eventually they will grow to be trees..maybe, and then spurt seeds of their own.

    Loved it!

    | Posted on 2011-08-17 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      i have a theory on the word Blessed lately, and it hasn't been too favorable. You give it more grace than it deserves in this. I felt like you wrote a verb in this: Relaxed. Nice feeling conveyed to paper/screen... I did enjoy the moment :)
    | Posted on 2011-08-17 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, odd critique from someone who just popped back to the site to look up some things from long ago.

    The second line just doesn't work for me and I can't put my finger on why. At first I thought it was the word delightful, then I reread it and saw that the word works in the line. I honestly can't tell you why but on the first read I had almost stopped at that line and moved on to the nest post, I'm glad that I didn't because this is very nice and I enjoyed it. Something just hung me up there.

    | Posted on 2011-08-04 00:00:00 | by Snarf | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem, you have great rhythm in your lines, they're long and drawn effectively. It works for those moments your describing to, the way the language sort of flows past the pentameter of ordinary speech, you get the effect of time slowing down, then lifting off again at the end. These moments bring rejuvenation; even a heightened sense of clarity. I do like the poems jist, but also the way it's written.
    | Posted on 2011-08-03 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]
      yes, but so many don't even notice those "small distractions"...they only look for the larger gifts in life...and miss so much because of it..

    i like this description and the keen sense of hearing the tags jingling...just the small things...but they are important in an appreciation of life.

    nicely penned.

    | Posted on 2011-08-03 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so very good.

    it is a blessing to be able to see beyond, to find the smallness of things and find contentment. myself? i find it very comforting. and in all honesty would feel lost without the realizations that come with taking it all in.

    i like when people are able to capture it in words and share the wealth. or be a reminder to those who forget.


    just some thoughts.
    thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2011-08-03 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

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