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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Can't Stop Being Awakedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Keiran
    ASL Info:    20/M/NZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.64 - 40/47/33
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 460
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 758



    Description:
       Yes, in case you didn't pick it up. I'm bloody tired this week.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCan't Stop Being Awakedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Ilostallmyspace
    Ran out of reserve
    And I can't take no more
    [no more no more no more]

    My tgohuts anret tinhnikg sriahtgt
    Brain's on the fritz
    And I can't feel Nothing
    [unfortunately I can still feel Everything]

    I lost my sanity a few weeks back
    Sleep went for a walk
    And never came back
    [last seen chasing sheep away from a picket fence]

    I'm just one more exhausted insomniac
    Giving it all he's got
    And I can't always remember why
    [it's because I couldn't just sit there and let Gaga tell you not to think]

    Please
    Just see me through the fight . . .
    [somehow]




    Submitted on 2011-08-03 21:05:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I just returned to the site to look up some old writings for someone, I tend to go through phases where I throw out all my stuff and have to go back to websites to find things. So i figured I'd see what folks where writing here now, I love this.

    I'm assuming It's a late night write. My biggest criticism would be lack of punctuation. for example did you mean me to read

    "Sleep went for a walk And never came back"

    or

    "Sleep went for a walk,
    And never came back "

    Anyway from insomniac to another, good write. I hope you get some sleep.
    | Posted on 2011-08-04 00:00:00 | by Snarf | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of a song called "Awake &Alive" by Skillet. This is was written well though I kinda did get confused when I read the 5th stanza but caught on real fast.

    (Sleep went for a walk)
    (And never came back)

    Yea sleep does find a away to leave and wander off on its own. Its even worse when the body is tired and sleep just won't come.

    (I'm just one more exhausted insomniac)

    Insomnia is annoying- Great job with this.

    *Sighs* now I'm going to get my ipod so that I can listen to Skillet lol I can't get the song out of my head now-

    Althea~

    | Posted on 2011-08-03 00:00:00 | by AltheaLaochra | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the battle to stay awake...the last lines of each stanza a poem in itself...would like to see an allusion to the "fight" idea earlier in the poem...

    the ending just sort of hangs out there for me...while the rest of the poem is quite clever, especially the second stanza...

    but most of the quirky imagery is early on..sustained, this would be kicker...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-08-03 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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