Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Obediencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 197
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 488
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1140



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsObediencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    This coffee is hot and bitter and
    has a taste of the real life morning that I feel
    stripped of all my shields and wondering

    in the car I zone out
    and almost got hit by a car, thinking for some reason it was my turn to go
    and I look back on traffic
    I look back on all the mistakes and near mistakes and demolished metal burning into the back of my skull
    and this pain eats away at the lining of my stomache

    rinses itself off down below into knots

    there is something wrong with my body

    read a lot of scripture about the temple last night
    read a lot of scripture about a mans work

    Am I left burning?
    Save the mans soul
    Where is the reward?

    No I am just waiting
    living out another day where nothing seems to comfort me all day

    reaching out for Faith
    this is not about faith says my heart
    and my spirit is bare and forced out of my chest

    I fall to my knees and pray for an exception
    and walk blindly into this permissive will




    Submitted on 2011-08-06 09:06:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow, so distracted by needing something in her life..the speaker...almost goes to the afterlife a bit too soon...

    often times life is like that...like some piece is missing..or maybe some peace..but something..even if we can't put our finger on it...

    everyday needs meaning...and often we live lives without it..

    some spellings in here.."a man's work" "the man's soul"

    minor but caused a pause in the reading..

    i like the introspection in this...2nd and 3rd lines...are wonderful...different and visual..but also with something left unsaid..lets us do some work.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-08-06 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192019

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Love written by saartha
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Records I written by Raphael
    The World written by jjd
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry