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    dots Submission Name: Where It Goesdots

    Author: Belle De Jour
    ASL Info:    24/Female/Inside
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 335/367/53
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1058
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 931

       Not sure how this will be received...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhere It Goesdots

    I sit upon a ledge, speaking
    Out loud into the air
    For any ears turned on but
    My volume must be set to low
    So I scream my words louder
    I repeat, delete, and rephrase but
    They are still not heard
    Never taken in, then they

    Down, down into the unknown
    Where everything collects
    All things unheard
    The cries and whispers
    Spoken and written words
    The lies and promises
    It all develops at the bottom
    Of this pit, tangled, broken and

    I am my spoken words and
    This is why I am misunderstood
    When I say I feel unwanted
    Those thoughts voiced
    Which no one heard while
    Their mute was turned on
    Have vanished into the depths
    Never will they be found
    I remember watching
    As all of me fell down

    Submitted on 2004-07-30 10:01:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      well i took the advice about 'where the wild roses grow' the second time i read this.. and f*ck he's so right.

    i see two possible meanings to this poem.. depression as everyone mentioned.. and not being understood as a writer.. or worse yet no one willing to take you seriously as a writer.

    the darkness of the poem is chilling.. i loved the line 'I repeat, delete, and rephrase..' because it perfectly captures that sentiment of the writer trying to find the perfect line.. the frustration..and to extend the metaphor of falling not only to yourself but to the words.. that is a stroke of genius because to me it shows how much you are a part of the words.. or the words are a part of you.. the two are inseparable.. and that i believe that is what it is to be a true writer. to be the words.

    your poem is inspiring.. because it inspires, pushes, a writer to want to be anything but.. falling.. forgotten. excellent poem.
    | Posted on 2004-07-30 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      I was listening to "Where the Wild Roses Grow" by Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds. Holy crap that band is awesome. And that song is almost a soundtrack to this poem. I suggest everyone listen to that song while reading this piece.

    Okay first about the picture. YOu pretty much cornered the market on finding pictures that just totally fit the pieces they go with. I don't know if anyone else is noticing that but I wanted to acknowledge it. I feel it's a talent.

    "I am my spoken words and
    This is why I am misunderstood"

    this line in particular stands out to me. It's almost a revelation to anyone who has ever wrote a piece of poetry that they felt was beautiful and then it was bashed or not taken the same by others.

    Also for some reason it really stands out to me as a point of significance that this poem is wrapped up in 3 neat little verses. the first two 9 lines long and the last 11 lines long, as if to get that last little word in for a good ending (grins) Just like a girl to want the last word.

    nice job. I might actually be back for a re-read and another comment, I think I'm heavily influenced by nick cave right now and I'd like to read in a different light.


    | Posted on 2004-07-30 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a nice reda, feels as though it's me putting the pen to paper, depression is a sad but common thing and I share those moments of random aloneness, It's cool!, Well done.

    Beckie xx
    | Posted on 2004-07-30 00:00:00 | by Burnt Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      i love it. i've never heard anyone describe depression this way...with the volume thing and everything collecting at the bottom. good job i also like the way you have "fall" "invisible" and "forgotten" on their own lines. nice
    | Posted on 2004-07-30 00:00:00 | by NoMoreGoodbyes | [ Reply to This ]

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