My eyes are for you by insphered soul

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Submission Name: My eyes are for you dots

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Author:	insphered soul
ASL Info:	19/M/ Hmmm?
Elite Ratio:	6.49 - 450/382/94
Words:	60

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	769
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	338

Description:

My eyes are for you dots

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My eyes reflect the feelings of my heart. Whether drumming with love or banging with hate, the passion of my heart is expressed through a luminescent yet sadly transient ocular gleam. An incandescent glow so alluring as if a prize to be recorded through contact with life, these eyes will wrap you in the warm lambency of my love forever.

Submitted on 2011-08-09 18:02:11 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
i liked the beginning of this very much...but felt i got too caught up in the words from the middle to the end...as if they draw too much attention to themselves..the flow disappears..and the meaning seems too wrapped around the vocabulary that it loses something for that...i would like to see the last part simplified a bit..not all the wonderful wording taken out..but toned down a bit..so we can think meaning of the overall piece rather than stumble on meaning of each word...

jacob
| Posted on 2011-08-09 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.