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    dots Submission Name: Puddledots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 433
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 603


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Turning tables just for fun,
    not sure if it is raining anymore
    been wet for so long
    and I am out the door
    forgot my poncho in the car with the windows left down

    no noise
    is good noise
    here now
    keep forgetting the letters I'm sending to heaven

    Standing still
    cant wait for the wind to go by
    and stop here
    while we wait together for fate together
    and the drops of grace fill a puddle around my feet

    I sink
    into the reflections of the brilliant sky

    Submitted on 2011-08-15 16:07:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      " the drops of grace fill a puddle around my feet." reminds me of a piece i did called "rain angel" very similar but our meanings are different. But yours left a wonderful visual with a very profound meaning. Mine was just playful and about love. Yours is more about in the moment watching it all happen for the sake of life itself. Very moving and fast pace in the beginning of stanzas until you slow her down at the end to really hit the meanings of the stanza home hard. Great Write.

    | Posted on 2011-08-21 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]
      keep forgetting ........

    that whole line
    just blows me away
    really takes the wind out of my sails
    and itz so beautiful .

    the section-line that has the word "Fate" ,
    it doesn't destroy the poem at all
    just really feel kinda out of place
    i think if the word "Faith" was written in place of it.i think it would have changed its moods

    then we'd be turning tables again.....
    good write
    | Posted on 2011-08-16 00:00:00 | by Bloodstone | [ Reply to This ]
      Very cool visuals. I liked the playfulness at the beginning and how it flows into a more profound thing towards the end. it's seems like a very natural process - could apply to a lot of things, life, relationships, art, etc. Nice.
    | Posted on 2011-08-16 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      getting wet feels like being alive...i love standing out in the rain...that beautiful rain coming from above...and it soaks me with a feeling of being one with nature..of a sort of a baptism---starting over..

    whimsical piece with a purpose...

    it's "can't" in that one spot..

    the last line of each stanza could be a poem in itself...i like when that happens with poetry.

    | Posted on 2011-08-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      "No noise
    Is good noise."

    I enjoyed this line. I enjoyed this whole piece. It was free feeling and breezy.

    "While we wait together for fait togther."
    Very good.
    Thank you for this.
    | Posted on 2011-08-15 00:00:00 | by malcolmknight | [ Reply to This ]

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