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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Darknessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/622/378
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Love
    Total Views: 462
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 826



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDarknessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My eyes swell,
    Tears flood my cheeks, this loneliness overwhelms me
    Swallowed by the darkness, where these once was light

    Where did the light go-
    Where is my light-

    I cry these heavy tear ducts,
    For I believe I have lost what I once came in contact with
    Something that cannot be measured by material wealth rather measured by feelings
    And emotions you experience

    So close!
    I had you within my arms,
    I could smell youre after shave
    Feel your soft eloquent skin
    See those big doe eyes
    Even run my fingers through your thinning hair

    So close!...
    Feelings of being loved seeped into my dark world
    For a moment in time I saw light..
    My dark world was beaming..




    Submitted on 2011-08-16 06:23:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like a lot of this...the repetition of tears and then tear ducts is a little awkward to me...

    kind of beating me over the head..."i could smell your after shave" "your"

    however...as i read this over several times..i see such a perfect poem in the last two stanzas...i think they stand well on their own...and the ending..although it could be seen as positive..."my dark world was beaming"

    yes, for a moment, but then that passed as you passed out of my life...you leave that to our imagination there...nicely done.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-08-30 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      nice !!! :}

    random thoughts of love
    titled "Darkness"

    thats a very brave title
    for the subject its stabbing at .

    i thought u did a very good job indeed ....
    the wordplay iz right on Q !

    going on my fav list

    keep pen-in
    | Posted on 2011-08-16 00:00:00 | by Bloodstone | [ Reply to This ]


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