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    dots Submission Name: An alliterative elegy..dots

    Author: MyWorld
    ASL Info:    21/M/IN
    Elite Ratio:    3.3 - 76/99/87
    Words: 35
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 520
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 267

       I don't normally do this but, this is a piece very dear to me and if anyone is going to read it, I'd like it to be understood.

    For anyone that doesn't use Google, a soliloquy is a "monologue that represents a series of unspoken reflections." So, I'm chewing over these unspoken reflections that originate from "steps So high as the ceiling seems" in example- a step as tall as the ceiling would be pretty hard to get on top of. By "Serenity so many centuries away," I'm saying that I've not felt inner peace in what feels like lifetimes and in the next two lines, I'm asking for it. With "Slenderest of selections Surrendered," I'm saying that I've given up one of the smallest things I've kept for myself in this life. And the final portion depicts the mess that action has left me as.

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    dotsAn alliterative elegy..dots

    Screaming this silent soliloquy
    That stems from steps
    So high as the ceiling seems
    Serenity so many centuries away
    Enter me,
    Any sense of centering to stay
    Slenderest of selections
    Surrendered, sending self to disarray

    Submitted on 2011-08-16 12:52:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. I'm not normally a fan of wordplay (writers try to be too clever), but this works well here, especially with the title.

    Think you made a typo with "centerting" and meant "centering"?

    Nicely done.
    | Posted on 2011-08-29 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      The word usage and the alliteration combined with the subject make this a very passionate and strong piece. I like it.

    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2011-08-18 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how this read:

    "stems from steps" was a line I liked because it felt like the words stuck togther when I read it.
    The whole poem read like that really.

    Very cutting imagery. It wasn't vivid, though; it seemed like it was always running with the words and then held together by the sounds of the words instead of the word's definition.

    This is a very crytpic piece that I don't feel like I need to decipher to enjoy it at all.

    This ended a little weird though, as if the plot line of sticky words and echoing phrases, just stopped at a dead beat. I think you could make it end a little more....smoothly for lack of a better word.
    It felt like words were just bouncing off my tongue, all leading to this point that would make some huge splash it bounced off-

    and then it fell dead.

    But still, a nice little poem you got here!

    | Posted on 2011-08-16 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]

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