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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: gothicgirl
    ASL Info:    23/f/recreant world
    Elite Ratio:    3.49 - 127/111/48
    Words: 232
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Depressed
    Total Views: 615
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1230



    Description:
       this poem I am still working on its random and makes no since but I would just like some ideas for it and thats really why i am posting it, cause i have been trying to write it for a while and i just can't think to make it better!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Star light, star bright
    Where is the wish I wished tonight?
    I want to be a real girl, please.
    Take me away, take me away?

    I followed the yellow brick road
    It took me to the wizard
    But it was lies, all lies
    Just like the love he gave me.

    I went to the end of the rainbow
    To find my pot of gold
    But instead there was just a hollow face
    My own, staring back, empty and alone.

    A lady and the tramp love story
    A destiny not destined to be
    In the end it was all just games
    And I was the pieces .

    The star was just a silhouette of dreams
    The wizard was just a silly boy and
    The rainbow a reflection of light
    And the tramp was just a dog
    Childs play, childish dreams, now lost.

    Faith comes from a book
    Hopes come from a dream
    They say to achieve is to believe
    But when it rains it pours.

    I can no longer deny who I am
    No more than you can say you lost your way
    And that damn guidebook to life doesn’t exist
    But I must insist that if you find it I’d like to read it!




    Submitted on 2011-08-18 01:31:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i might title this "A Cliche Play"

    you are pretty innovative using all of the clichés that come from movies and books and the philosophy of life they present..

    i like the 5th stanza that kind of pulls it altogether...and almost wanted the next stanza to be the final one..almost got anti-climactic...

    perhaps you could work on the last two stanzas to combine the ideas into one stanza..for a sharper ending...

    this had the potential to be "just cliché" and yet you turned into something wicked ...

    one spot...."child's play"

    but i like your poems...i really feel you in them..but you also write what is relatable for others...that is not always easy to do....

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-08-20 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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    192183

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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