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    dots Submission Name: Note to Pygmaliondots

    Author: Linzi
    ASL Info:    24.f.wales
    Elite Ratio:    5.91 - 80/100/94
    Words: 588
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1783
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3980

       (This is my own little twist on the Pygmalion myth. Told from the point of view of the 'statue' It's not flowing as well as I would like yet, still needs a bit of work (I'm hoping for some suggestions =]). For those of you who don't know the story, Pygmalion was a sculptor who fell in love with one of his statues and preyed to the goddess Aphrodite to bring her to life so he could be with her)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNote to Pygmaliondots

    Note to Pygmalion

    You found me in a grave yard,
    all broken and scattered,
    a loss of life and limb.
    A war victim.
    Or so I seemed to you.
    But you never asked,
    never tore your mind from its impending task.

    You brought me home,
    in a creaky cart,
    and put the pieces back together,
    filled in my cracks with Polyfiller
    until I was an upright piller
    of stone and solid frost.

    If you knew then
    that I had watched you
    walk through grave yards
    at night,
    holding your cloak-hood tight
    over your face -
    so trusted in your community.
    You would have looked at me differently.

    You would have shuddered
    at the thought of my sight,
    and wished to keep my lips sealed tight
    in the sculpts of marbled tomb.

    As it was, I did keep my mouth shut,
    and watched with white-washed eyes
    as you shredded your disguise
    like a snake skin.

    A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

    A redeemer
    though you may have been,
    you shuddered at the souls
    of those unclean,
    and seeked to wash away their sins
    with the dishcloth
    that you brushed across my lifeless limbs,
    And over my solid breasts;
    with water so cold
    I could have caught my death.
    If I wasn’t dead already.

    This was my baptism,
    my resurrection,
    an issuing of your commands
    that I was to obey.
    I must be submissive you
    in every way.

    And how could I refuse?
    I was but a statue
    held together with sticky glue,
    and the white stuff
    that filled my cracks
    like a guey dew,
    that I should be grateful for.

    You bought me gifts
    and clothes,
    and dressed me like a life size doll,
    turning me into a witless foll’
    In the garments of your choice.

    One night,
    you took off my clothes and began,
    to speak words, unspoken,
    by a preacher man,
    and placed a kiss upon solid lips,
    as I listened,
    you told me,
    You like me like this,
    before running your tongue
    over my marbled neck.

    That same night,
    when you whispered your verses ,
    and I felt your touch between my legs,
    like curses,
    you said you wished to defrost me;
    To touch the girl that was rightfully yours
    to command
    for all eternity.

    It just so happened
    that on this night
    Aphrodite heard a prayer
    and descended to your dusty lair
    of spidery ensnare and ethereal entrapments.

    She heard your story
    and she agreed
    to let the soul in stone be freed
    with the removal of all your mirrors.

    When you obliged
    she granted your wish,
    and with your kiss upon my frozen lips,
    I felt my body soften
    into living flesh,
    as I stood inside your lair,
    Feeling snakes grow from my tussled hair.

    ‘A word to Mr. High and Mighty,
    don’t abuse the gift of Aphrodite,’
    said the goddess who took to the air,
    as I fixed you with my deadly glare
    and turned you into stone.

    I circled you,
    my hand upon your chest,
    as you stood to rest in your marble tomb
    dreading your impending doom,
    that would follow soon,
    Being mortal.

    I came right up to the ear,
    of your sculpted case
    a smile upon my twisted face,
    and whispered
    “They should have warned you, my shrewd seducer,
    Never to mess with Ms. Medusa.”

    Submitted on 2011-08-18 10:39:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This reminds me of a line from a Simon and Garfunkle song " If you took all the girls I knew when I was single .... you know they'd never match my sweet imagination" . Don't get me wrong I love my imagination but women are amazing , incredible , astounding . When we try to personify them as a reflection we might want them to be we lose sight of their treacherous and intrinsic beauty . A lesson your poor Pygmalion learned the hard way . This was a very creative piece . It makes me wonder if all those Arabs are going to get their comeuppance when they receive their 72 virgins . Seriously , I liked it a lot . Such an interesting twist .

    | Posted on 2011-12-17 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      I love myths and anything associated to it this was quite lovely and filled with enchantment :)
    I'm not sure if I fav this or not I remember reading it but didn't comment well any ways here are my fav lines-


    When you obliged
    she granted your wish,
    and with your kiss upon my frozen lips,
    I felt my body soften
    into living flesh,
    as I stood inside your lair,
    Feeling snakes grow from my tussled hair.

    I came right up to the ear,
    of your sculpted case
    a smile upon my twisted face,
    and whispered
    “They should have warned you, my shrewd seducer,
    Never to mess with Ms. Medusa.”

    Genius!! Awesome work!


    | Posted on 2011-08-22 00:00:00 | by AltheaLaochra | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm torn on the length...i usually like shorter pieces...longer ones often don't keep my attention..this was a bit different...i liked the twist on Pygmallion...i was thinking of My Fair Lady as i read this..and was interested in where you were going...

    that godsend..the one who will not only take care of me, but help me a better person...problem is...the man wants her to be a better person just for him..his kindness asks in return that she be his slave in all ways...that everything she does she does for him...he tries to own her.

    but she sees it coming way before it does and she is ready to rebuke him in the end...all he is has done is for nought, because she is her own person..

    i don't see much to change..i think you meant "your community" in that one spot...

    but i like the attitude in this piece, and you have a clever mind and nice use of wordage.

    this makes me want to visit more of your work...which i will do shortly.

    | Posted on 2011-08-18 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi I think this is a great start on an really worthy poem. I am not a expert on making adjustments and well here and there a word maybe could be phonetically changed. Otherwise I like it except for the "F" word at the end. How to change that if you so would I cannot comprehend - yet. Although it goes against my grain to fav an "F" word, in this case think it worthy - so I will.

    Keep well Joachim.
    | Posted on 2011-08-18 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]

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