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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Empty As Edendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 950
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 377



    Description:
       This is from a point of view of a woman, which i am not. So, don't be thrown off by that.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEmpty As Edendots
    -------------------------------------------


    I set my ear
    To the pop of the lock.
    You come in slowly,
    It's too late to fight.
    I fall asleep to the smell of rum
    And a stranger beside me.
    We both wish for better lives,
    I wish to be your wife
    And you to stay out all night.
    You lean in to kiss,
    A kiss as empty as Eden
    After I took the fruit.




    Submitted on 2011-08-19 13:20:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "We both wish for better lives,
    I wish to be your wife
    And you to stay out all night.
    You lean in to kiss,
    A kiss as empty as Eden
    After I took the fruit."

    I always thought forbidden
    was the ticket to heaven
    where infidels side stepped
    the laws of motion
    caught up in the nature
    of a different dance
    shrugging off each faint whisper
    leaving meaning to chance...

    Just some thoughts on yours.
    | Posted on 2015-02-01 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow I really like this one. I imagine a bunch of women go through this or fear this might happen eventually.
    I know its one of my fears actually.
    I do love the dark thoughts she has kept to herself but so desperately wants to tell the guy.
    It is very interesting how you wrote from a girls point of view, very rare but surprisingly good.
    Lastly your last two lines are quite creative. :)
    | Posted on 2011-09-02 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]
      I first read the piece then the description.... Once I read that you were a man I was blown away.. I do not want this to seem sexist in any way but generally men say women are uncomprehencible odd creatures that make zero sence... And here you are.. A man... Seeing things from a womans point of view .. With writting that speaks out and says so much and portrays so many different images and scenes.. Amazing you really are one of the men that make others seem pitifull.. Great writes keep it up
    | Posted on 2011-08-28 00:00:00 | by unwantedlove20 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written very well. It flowed nicely, had good imagery, and portrayed emotion well.
    It was short, but it packed a punch. There is a myriad of emotions flying off the page.
    This is a fantastic write.

    Keep up the good work and I'll keep reading.

    H
    | Posted on 2011-08-25 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with dark flame this is pretty cool.

    Empty as Eden is really catchy.

    | Posted on 2011-08-19 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm pretty cool. It's like something becoming empty, once you know the truth behind it...or maybe before.
    "I wish to be your wife,
    and you stay out all night"

    It's weird, it could mean a couple things. One, that she is saying it in a frustrated tone, like I wish to be your wife, and you stay out ALL night!!! Kind of hinting at some sort of frustration, suspecting him of cheating.

    OR she wishes to continue to live her life, whatever that may be, post marriage, so she's pleading with him, "you stat out all night..it's alright" maybe trying to hide something.

    Or maybe the marriage or an event in the relationship ruined the innocence of it, which ruined it for her?

    Don't know, but this was a really cool piece!

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-08-19 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


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    192193

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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