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    dots Submission Name: Stationdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 336
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 413


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Casting Shadows
    holding the light above my head and behind my eyelids so I can see
    bright red thundering
    of view I see and there is no following this taste for certainty is a ghost on a wave tiding the train on the backskirts of a foreign city
    you a traveler
    you a tourist
    tranquilized by a variety of tinted windowscreens

    Submitted on 2011-08-19 14:54:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      often when i was a kid in NY and rode the subway, i felt like this..."tranquilized by tinted windowscreens and the rush of them rushing by"

    as sheryl crow once sang..." i felt like a stranger in my own life"

    and once we leave this world...i wonder...will we become the ghosts traveling...and will those looking out the window see us and believe.

    | Posted on 2011-08-20 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      "ghost on a wave tiding the train" is a wonderful metaphor. The 2nd and 3rd lines are great i remember as a child staring up at the sun with my eyes closed and seeing the redness of my blood through my eyelids that's what the reminds me of. Not sure i quite understand the whole piece but very well written. Great Work
    | Posted on 2011-08-19 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]
      holding the light above my head and behind my eyelids so I can see
    bright red thundering

    Hmm interesting I really like this, remind of a story I always listen to from the "Father Gilbert" series. Nicely penned. And I also like-

    ghost on a wave tiding the train

    You have some nice metaphors here.

    | Posted on 2011-08-19 00:00:00 | by AltheaLaochra | [ Reply to This ]
      before i fully respond to this..is it "tiding the train" or "riding the train"?

    | Posted on 2011-08-19 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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