Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fighting With The Mirrordots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Latin King
    ASL Info:    31/M/Los Angeles
    Elite Ratio:    2.39 - 104/232/145
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Misc/Passion
    Total Views: 449
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1063



    Description:
       Something I came up morning time, before having coffee.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFighting With The Mirrordots
    -------------------------------------------


    I stood in front of the mirror,
    Just to fight with my persona,
    The feeling was so real,
    Including sounds and aroma.
    I greeted the image,
    But it only frowned back,
    Cleaned up all the smearing,
    Because I thought it was that.
    Instead, it got worse,
    A high tone and a voice faintly,
    Course,
    Said,
    "You changed since I last seen you."
    I said,
    "I don't know you,
    What you're talking about,
    I have no clue."
    Responded,
    "You grew bitter inside."
    I wondered,
    I must be losing it and began to cry,
    I said,
    "Stop trying to make me feel guilty,
    But nice try."
    It cried back and replied,
    "I'm going to tell you something,
    in perspective, and before this,
    gets any weirder, am I the one,
    wrong for telling you the truth,
    or you for fighting with the mirror."









    Submitted on 2011-08-20 10:23:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The conclusion is the best part imo. Stylistically you still got more to learn. It would have looked much better as a rectangle of text. Like a mirror. Anyway, keep on writing!
    | Posted on 2011-08-22 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192206

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Etiquette written by saartha
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Carry written by saartha
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Records I written by Raphael
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Cover written by saartha
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Love written by saartha
    The World written by jjd
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Life is moments written by Ramneet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry