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    dots Submission Name: crazy thought at 2AMdots

    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 60
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 462
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 371


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    dotscrazy thought at 2AMdots

    We brushed cheeks the other day
    but fate was an old man who knew tricks,
    yet we passed around platters of trust
    hoping tomorrow would be another dream.

    I counted your kisses, kept them warm
    to fly again when the wind brings our song.
    I'll bless the days and hug our time,
    until then, watch me undress my pain.

    Submitted on 2011-08-22 18:55:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      very nice! fate is an old tricky man... that would explain a lot. including all these silk flowers and wild rabbits...
    | Posted on 2011-08-23 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      this moved me very much...the love that once existed...but is now gone...yet i hold onto the feeling, and hope...

    i don't quite agree on the last line...actually think it pulls the idea together...the war with pain since you are no longer with me..and thinking of you, those good memories, make me smile but then make me feel the old wounds, the scars of loneliness...

    the battle within me to let you go..

    | Posted on 2011-08-22 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a pretty cool poem. I read it aloud with a smile on my face as the words nervously escaped my lips. Essentially, it was very touching :)

    Just real quick, I thought that the last line was a little out of place or cliché.
    I think you could replace it with something more appropriate that would really tie this piece together a lot better.

    Nevertheless, as a whole this poem is very good and very beautiful. I like this personification of fate and this hope for a dream. Very cool, usually dreams and hope are synonyms; but when you're hoping for a dream (and I know the feeling) it brings a beautiful melancholy of love and those who aspire to fulfill that love that once existed, and now it only exists in dreams.

    Great write!

    | Posted on 2011-08-22 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]

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