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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: fire like love remastereddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: gothicgirl
    ASL Info:    23/f/recreant world
    Elite Ratio:    3.49 - 127/111/48
    Words: 305
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 443
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1733



    Description:
       I redid this poem because of a comment I received from someone and I felt they were right so this is the new virgin of the old one and I think its better maybe???


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfire like love remastereddots
    -------------------------------------------


    My heart poured into his like a fire burning down an empty house
    but no liquid can dampen this need, this desire.
    I bare his mark, etched into my soul like a scare
    I gave myself to him.....I married him
    I made love to him,
    I was his prey and him my predator,
    and I stuck out my neck for the fatal bite.
    As the flames devour my body,
    I breath in his essence taking him into me
    the smoke created this delusional trail
    that I followed, that I would follow to this day.
    A hazy contorted view, like a poisonous flower
    so beautiful to look at but dangerous to touch.
    He injected me, traveling through my veins
    keeping me with his lies,
    and they bled out of my eyes like tears
    encasing him around me
    holding me until we breathed as one.
    Our life inside me grew,
    our love for one another dispersed
    It was now a picture,
    blacked and frayed
    coated in kerosene
    a silhouette of a smoky book
    to hold our smiles
    to hold our place.
    My flames they flickered loudly
    screaming at him to love me once again
    igniting his longing to be free furthermore.
    Finally his flames engulfed me completely
    our love like ashes blew into the nights sky
    setting themselves among the stars
    waiting like a shooting star to fall into us,
    explode into our love once more,
    and create an up in smoke masterpiece
    but love can be so clouded,
    and lonely nights so crewel ,
    and soon this wind gives way,
    to another empty burning house
    where it is only me and you.




    Submitted on 2011-08-23 00:11:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      An empty burning house has but you in it,
    The wind has taken his raging flames with it.
    Your heart seems to bleed even the unborn's chest,
    And these hellish flames may just be a Lucifer's nest.
    | Posted on 2011-09-05 00:00:00 | by AbsolutelyLost | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it, it kept me interested and I'm as ADD as it get, I usually don't read the longer poems. Alot of raw emotion.

    Keep it up.

    Will
    | Posted on 2011-08-23 00:00:00 | by WarmGun | [ Reply to This ]
      this keeps the fire idea more alive...

    the poisionous flower part detours a bit from it...i would eliminate that part...only stick with parts that deal with the burning....

    this is better..but still more refining needed..

    and fix the spellings..."into my soul like a scar"

    "i breathe in his essence"

    i do really like the ending....

    with rewrites it is too bad that we can't put the old next to the new...and visualize more easily what has been changed...
    but i feel this is much more connected to the theme all the way through.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-08-23 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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