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    dots Submission Name: Souls of Vanguard- Blaze of Valor ( intro )dots

    Author: Squall Leon Hea
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 104/79/29
    Words: 328
    Class/Type: Story/Legend
    Total Views: 650
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1742

       please tell me what you liked and what could be done better, keep in mind that this is a fantasy story

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSouls of Vanguard- Blaze of Valor ( intro )dots

    Visions come and go as I have a hard time keeping my eyes open, a strong ringing sound deafening my ears, flames all around me my helmet by my side, my goggles are nowhere to be found my weapon out of my reach, something pulling me away from the site, before I lost my consciousness last thing I saw was a blinding light then the sign of a creature with a body of fire…


    “ Tomorrow morning you two will be assigned to an important covert mission, it may seem like a simple in and out mission, but it’s not the facility is heavily guarded and you need to keep a low profile and not get caught if you are to be caught all knowledge of your mission will be dismissed, understood Sergeant?”
    “Sir Yes Sir “
    My rifle to my right and my pistol to the ready in my left holster, Captain informing my partner and I about the mission we are about to go to.
    “well, listen up carefully, and you just might make it out alive, in this mission you will have to retrieve a package thought to be a dangerous weapon that the enemy is willing to use against us, what we know of it so far is that it was a huge destructive power and that is scaring the living hell out of us, and what we don’t know scares us even more, so when securing the package treat it with at most care…”
    We paid full attention as he continued to explain the mission and lucky for us were the routes and time shifts of the guards and the cameras, secured by our informant in the facility
    “you will be meeting the informant once you are inside and he will take you to the package secure the package safely at all costs, understood?”
    “Sir yes Sir “
    “Good, you will be heading out tomorrow at 0500 “

    Submitted on 2011-08-23 13:39:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Feels like the beginning of a movie. I like it but maybe it's a bit too dramatic in the beginning, then i would say you go straight to the action, the whole purpose of the mission is not that important. I'd say it's fine for a movie, but maybe for a story you'd want it te be a little more explained? And I like the tone.
    | Posted on 2011-08-25 00:00:00 | by CrazyGinger | [ Reply to This ]

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