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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: So Hollow Is This Winter Snowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.03 - 75/186/232
    Words: 273
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 718
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1711



    Description:
       A revision and sort of re-imagining of an older piece of mine.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSo Hollow Is This Winter Snowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I cannot seem to remember- How I had become haunted in December-
    But I believe it began with a hole
    Hollow and cold; gravel, dirt and snow
    In the coldest winter I've ever known
    I dig it alone
    Beneath a darken sky; rose colored light
    A reminder of sunrise-

    Phantom titans- The shade of mountain stone rumbles through the sky-
    Dispersing lost souls cast in white
    Fluttering; dancing- a lucre of misery
    A whisper- a touch; fingernails and clutch
    The scars of her are apart of me

    Was it worth it? To become free of it?
    I am immured within its hold
    So hollow is this winter snow

    A dream of clear nights; the warmth of love-
    escaping like the most beautiful of snow flakes
    -so close within my grasp; yet it just seems to slip away
    Brief are these moments of peace...
    They just melt away like shade

    So fragile...
    Now I remember why I feel pain in December
    She drowned...
    Not in the icy water of the frozen river
    -but in the rapids of beauty and splendor
    My warm hand would brush the ice that beseeches her lifeless loving gaze

    Failure of all failures- Fighting to never fail her
    -so I continue to dig alone
    A form of attrition- my gift of oblation
    Perhaps she'll wait for my Kingdom Come

    On the edge of night- I see a light- alas a light
    Ghastly; a fright- my fear comes alive
    Will-o-the-wisp leading to a new life...
    -yet I will dig until I die
    -until I fall asleep within her hold
    So hollow is this winter snow...




    Submitted on 2011-08-31 11:07:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love the imagery that you created here. I wouldn't change that for anything.

    I do agree with Jacob that you could condense this to make it stronger; but only in some areas. I wouldn't take away any of the imagery if I were you.

    Good write.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-08-31 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      the winter snow is like the memory of you.
    every time the pain starts to melt...more snow, more memories...
    except for this being a bit lengthy, the cold, stark imagery fits well with the theme....

    in one spot is "the scars of her are a part of me"

    i think you could condense this for stronger impact...but the feeling of the nagging memory is definitely a part of this.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-08-31 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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