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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hypnotizeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dancer-of-words
    ASL Info:    21/trans/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.6 - 167/158/74
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 739
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1142



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHypnotizeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    The clouds go racing by
    across an azure sky;
    in scarlet gown,
    the sun sinks down
    beneath the earth to die.

    The stars wheel overhead
    great heroes that are dead,
    until the dawn
    rises ere long
    upon a rim of red.

    The seasons quickly pass
    and snow conceals the grass;
    The children skate
    figures of eight
    upon clear pools of glass.

    Why does the earth keep turning?
    Why does the sea keep churning?
    Why do the stars, so cold and bright
    still decorate the velvet night?
    Why does the sun keep burning?

    The world goes passing by
    before our very eyes;
    Stuck in routines,
    we're like machines;
    each year more quickly flies.

    Our lives are mechanized,
    some dreams go unrealized;
    same thing each day
    set in our ways,
    becoming hypnotized.

    The clouds go racing by
    across an azure sky;
    in scarlet gown
    the sun sinks down
    beneath the earth
    to die.





    Submitted on 2011-08-31 18:31:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was a beautiful poem with alot of splashes of color, and very nice imagery its rare to see something of this nature from someone your age, and you did rather well.
    | Posted on 2011-09-09 00:00:00 | by AshleyDYoung | [ Reply to This ]
      this is smooth...and it has nice lines, but feels slightly forced...and much of the phrasing is too familiar...would like to see more fresh language used...

    you are good at attaining a beat...
    but not different enough to excite the reader...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-08-31 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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