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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oceanodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: silverdrika
    ASL Info:    22/F/Brasil
    Elite Ratio:    5.94 - 127/123/43
    Words: 457
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 785
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3084



    Description:
       It's originally written in portuguese. I tried to translate it, but I think I did a poor job. It sounds so much better in the original language :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOceanodots
    -------------------------------------------


    Minha alma é um oceano.

    Suas cores refletem a atmosfera em ondas grandes e pequenas;
    a profundeza do universo flutuando em rasgos e texturas
    que mudam, se torcem, se moldam ao vento.
    Sua forma cresce e se curva, se projeta e retrai,
    incha, desincha, complica, alcança e canta
    Sua química em milhares de moléculas imperceptíveis,
    características adaptáveis, numa mistura e seus detalhes.
    As nuanças, os nichos, a ordem escondida,
    a lógica intrínseca, o propósito incongruente, tudo...
    Abriga o marinheiro perdido, o peixe morto,
    a água viva, o petróleo, as algas e o monstro marinho.
    Há calma, silêncio, frio nas profundezas,
    mas luta em desespero na superfície tempestuosa.
    Reage em inconstância, branda e ferozmente,
    ao frio, ao calor, demora receber, mas segura facilmente.
    Há quem estude, quem ame, quem aprenda,
    mas não quem entenda, quem domine, quem segure

    Mas há, há quem os oceanos mediu com a concha das mãos,
    quem sabe não medirá as minhas águas?
    E há quem andou, andará sobre minha fina superfície;
    seu suspiro, encanto para minhas ondas.
    E há quem sacrifique, sacrificou por meu oceano
    e suas loucuras e sua desordem mais
    do que esse emaranhado confuso de homens
    procurando tesouro perdido onde nunca alcançarão.

    Minha alma é um oceano
    e seu brilho vem do sol.

    -------------

    My soul is an ocean.

    Its colors reflect the atmosphere in large and small waves;
    the depth of the universe floating in tears and textures
    that change, twist, mold with the wind.
    Its form grows and curves, protrudes and retracts,
    Swells, shrinks, complicates, reaches and sings
    Its chemistry in thousands of imperceptible molecules,
    adaptable characteristics, in a mixture and its details.
    The nuances, the niches, the hidden order,
    the intrinsic logic, the incongruent purpose, everything…
    It houses the lost sailor, the dead fish,
    the jellyfish, the petrol, the algae and the sea monster.
    There is calm, silence, cold in the depths,
    but it fights in despair on its tempestuous surface.
    It reacts in inconsistency, bland and fiercely,
    The cold, the heat, it takes long to take in, but it holds easily.
    There are those who study it, who love it, who learn it,
    but not who understand it, who controls it, who holds it back.
    But there is, there is one who measured the oceans with the palm of his hands,
    might he not measure my waters?
    And there is one who walked,
    might he walk over my thin surface?
    And there is one who sacrifices, he sacrificed for my ocean
    and its madness and its disorder far more
    than this confusing tangle of men
    searching for lost treasure where they will never reach it.

    My soul is an ocean
    And its shine comes from the sun.




    Submitted on 2011-09-02 15:01:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a beautiful piece. The imagery is beautiful throughout. I don't speak Portuguese at all, but my Spanish is pretty good, so I think I understood it fairly well without the translation, but since I sadly don't know your mother tongue and all of it's nuances, I'll comment on the translation. There's not much that I can say that isn't praise, but in "It reacts in inconsistency, bland and fiercely," I think it would be better if you said blandly to make them both adverbs for the sake of parallelism.

    There are those who study it, who love it, who learn it,
    but not who understand it, who controls it, who holds it back.

    I think it might be better to say "not those who undestand it, who control it, who hold it back,"

    My soul is an ocean
    And its shine comes from the sun.

    I'd put a comma before and because you're conjuncting two sentences.

    | Posted on 2011-09-06 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      oh yes, thank you so much for the translation...and yes, the soul is so much like the ocean, with its depths, its shallows its waves and its calms

    and wow on that whole "confusing tangle of men/searching for a treasure they will never reach."

    and even if they did find it..they probably wouldn't have any idea what to do with it...a woman's soul and heart are precious...men often don't realize that enough.

    great piece...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-09-05 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      thanks, Santi and jacoberin. I was initially posting it simply to have it online and make sure I didn't loose it. I will try to translate the piece, although you always wind up compromising a bit when trying to translate. Thanks loads, Santi! Your portuguese is very good :)
    | Posted on 2011-09-02 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]
      Boa analogia!

    Eu gosto muito deste poema. É bonito e forte com muitas frases pesadas, mas aqui estas frases funcionam bem. Voce está falando sobre a alma e com a alma; está sempre mudando e grande como o oceano, cheio de coisas belas e coisas obscuras: os bons e os maus. É muitas vezes incompreendido.

    Gostei especialmente da última estrofe e aqui:

    "Abriga o marinheiro perdido, o peixe morto,
    a água viva, o petróleo, as algas e o monstro marinho."

    Maravilhoso, realmente! Foi um prazer ler lo.

    Talvez poderia traduzir em ingles?

    E desculpa, o Portuguese nao é a minha primeira língua.

    p.s. Jacob, you would enjoy it very much!
    | Posted on 2011-09-02 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
      looks like an interesting piece..wish it were translated into English.
    | Posted on 2011-09-02 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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