Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: For the love of poetrydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AbsolutelyLost
    ASL Info:    27/M/India
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 54/41/33
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 575
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 753



    Description:
       Random scribbling ... Feel free to say what you want


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor the love of poetrydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have been dumb,
    And have gotten numb.
    Call it a broken crumb,
    Or may be a silent rumb.

    The words that wish to come,
    But my laziness keeps them from come,
    I wish to write,
    But got no might.

    I know I can make it nice,
    In a matter of time like a slice.
    I know it tingles,
    When I write sweet lil jingles.

    But I can't for the love of god,
    Understand why has it to be so odd.
    Why does it need to be so cold,
    Whenever I wish to be bold.

    I don't know what I mean,
    I wish that I did learn to mean.
    I wish to make the figments fly,
    I just don't know why time doesn't go by.




    Submitted on 2011-09-03 14:56:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      But I can't for the love of god
    Understand why has it to be so odd
    Why does it need to be so cold
    Whenever I wish to be bold

    I suggest you add to this section as the core of a rewrite or revision. The rest of the post is so warped by the format you've chosen that it's nearly non-sensical.
    | Posted on 2011-09-05 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      i started to like this but as i continued to read it...the rhyme just felt too contrived in it...

    i would like to see it loosened up a bit with some free verse...i think it would eliminate a lot of the cliché phrasing in it...it would allow you to explore more possibilities.

    confining something to form can often hinder...and make us much too mechanical.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-09-03 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192370

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Instances written by hyproglo
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    ... written by Daniel Barlow
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Bam (Awash). written by Daniel Barlow
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    less is more written by Daniel Barlow
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry