[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: For the love of poetrydots

    Author: AbsolutelyLost
    ASL Info:    27/M/India
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 54/41/33
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 551
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 753

       Random scribbling ... Feel free to say what you want

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor the love of poetrydots

    I have been dumb,
    And have gotten numb.
    Call it a broken crumb,
    Or may be a silent rumb.

    The words that wish to come,
    But my laziness keeps them from come,
    I wish to write,
    But got no might.

    I know I can make it nice,
    In a matter of time like a slice.
    I know it tingles,
    When I write sweet lil jingles.

    But I can't for the love of god,
    Understand why has it to be so odd.
    Why does it need to be so cold,
    Whenever I wish to be bold.

    I don't know what I mean,
    I wish that I did learn to mean.
    I wish to make the figments fly,
    I just don't know why time doesn't go by.

    Submitted on 2011-09-03 14:56:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      But I can't for the love of god
    Understand why has it to be so odd
    Why does it need to be so cold
    Whenever I wish to be bold

    I suggest you add to this section as the core of a rewrite or revision. The rest of the post is so warped by the format you've chosen that it's nearly non-sensical.
    | Posted on 2011-09-05 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      i started to like this but as i continued to read it...the rhyme just felt too contrived in it...

    i would like to see it loosened up a bit with some free verse...i think it would eliminate a lot of the cliché phrasing in it...it would allow you to explore more possibilities.

    confining something to form can often hinder...and make us much too mechanical.

    | Posted on 2011-09-03 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    Linger written by saartha
    Bond written by saartha
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Incubus written by monad
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]