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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: For the love of poetrydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AbsolutelyLost
    ASL Info:    27/M/India
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 54/41/33
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 551
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 753



    Description:
       Random scribbling ... Feel free to say what you want


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor the love of poetrydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have been dumb,
    And have gotten numb.
    Call it a broken crumb,
    Or may be a silent rumb.

    The words that wish to come,
    But my laziness keeps them from come,
    I wish to write,
    But got no might.

    I know I can make it nice,
    In a matter of time like a slice.
    I know it tingles,
    When I write sweet lil jingles.

    But I can't for the love of god,
    Understand why has it to be so odd.
    Why does it need to be so cold,
    Whenever I wish to be bold.

    I don't know what I mean,
    I wish that I did learn to mean.
    I wish to make the figments fly,
    I just don't know why time doesn't go by.




    Submitted on 2011-09-03 14:56:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      But I can't for the love of god
    Understand why has it to be so odd
    Why does it need to be so cold
    Whenever I wish to be bold

    I suggest you add to this section as the core of a rewrite or revision. The rest of the post is so warped by the format you've chosen that it's nearly non-sensical.
    | Posted on 2011-09-05 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      i started to like this but as i continued to read it...the rhyme just felt too contrived in it...

    i would like to see it loosened up a bit with some free verse...i think it would eliminate a lot of the cliché phrasing in it...it would allow you to explore more possibilities.

    confining something to form can often hinder...and make us much too mechanical.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-09-03 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192370

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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