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    dots Submission Name: For the love of poetrydots

    Author: AbsolutelyLost
    ASL Info:    27/M/India
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 54/41/33
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 480
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 753

       Random scribbling ... Feel free to say what you want

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor the love of poetrydots

    I have been dumb,
    And have gotten numb.
    Call it a broken crumb,
    Or may be a silent rumb.

    The words that wish to come,
    But my laziness keeps them from come,
    I wish to write,
    But got no might.

    I know I can make it nice,
    In a matter of time like a slice.
    I know it tingles,
    When I write sweet lil jingles.

    But I can't for the love of god,
    Understand why has it to be so odd.
    Why does it need to be so cold,
    Whenever I wish to be bold.

    I don't know what I mean,
    I wish that I did learn to mean.
    I wish to make the figments fly,
    I just don't know why time doesn't go by.

    Submitted on 2011-09-03 14:56:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      But I can't for the love of god
    Understand why has it to be so odd
    Why does it need to be so cold
    Whenever I wish to be bold

    I suggest you add to this section as the core of a rewrite or revision. The rest of the post is so warped by the format you've chosen that it's nearly non-sensical.
    | Posted on 2011-09-05 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      i started to like this but as i continued to read it...the rhyme just felt too contrived in it...

    i would like to see it loosened up a bit with some free verse...i think it would eliminate a lot of the cliché phrasing in it...it would allow you to explore more possibilities.

    confining something to form can often hinder...and make us much too mechanical.

    | Posted on 2011-09-03 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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