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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bands of colordots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: colopoao
    ASL Info:    42/ Male / Hallowell Mai
    Elite Ratio:    4.89 - 62/55/18
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 570
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 301



    Description:
       I live next to the Kennebec river in Hallowell Maine. Every evening I sit along it's banks and share in the wonder of nature with my two boys. On one particular day the reflection of the world around created a beautiful picture that I decided to attempt at describing in this poem. I hope you enjoy this.....Christopher


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    dotsBands of colordots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Kennebec river on an August evening
    A hint of blue
    Mixed with gray and.....
    White clouds

    A bouquet of current
    Expanding out into the murky depths

    Exploding into a bright green symphony


    Christopher Osgood.....9/4/2011




    Submitted on 2011-09-04 09:42:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Simple and sweet. Delightfully enchanting in regards to the memories it inspires in us. I wouldn't change much in this piece if anything. It works so well because it captures that emotion like lightning in a bottle. Giving nothing else but that one glimpse to savor for a while. I must disagree with the other comment on how they didn't feel the emotion, well the feeling is inspired by the knowledge of the emotion being inspected. If one hasn't experienced it they couldn't truly capture a fleeting feeling like a memory.

    -Dustin.
    | Posted on 2013-08-02 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]
      what you did for me here was paint a picture in my mind of what and how you saw the river. it was a pretty vivid picture but i didn't really get much emotion out of the piece. maybe its just my natural bias, wanting a piece to evoke some sort of emotion. nevertheless i have to give props to the imagery.

    cheers
    Kat
    | Posted on 2011-09-04 00:00:00 | by moonlitsky | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. I agree with Jacob about the ending lines, so why not keep the musical theme throughout. What instrument do you associate with blue, gray, white, and is the current not musical? Then the whole thing ends in a symphony.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2011-09-04 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Jacob about the elaboration of the blue and gray etc.

    I really like this piece. I was not tempted to find anything profoun in it, if it's hidden somewhere beneath the colors. I was just enjoying this picture you put in my head with this poem.

    Very vivid.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-09-04 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      really like the last three lines of this immensely....

    but Christopher, maybe in lines 2 through 5 you could elaborate even more...what kind of blue? of gray? of white?

    add something to those three lines and this becomes a really dazzling picture...

    "the bouquet of current" is sweet...
    and the "bright green symphony" is wickedly good.


    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-09-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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