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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Salvation's Deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: moonlitsky
    Elite Ratio:    5.96 - 70/44/15
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 552
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 514



    Description:
       comment, bash feel free to say anything. any input is highly appreciated. enjoy!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSalvation's Deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tinkering with danger
    Excitement pulses through my veins
    The good die young
    What does that make of my fate?
    Damned.
    Pinned and cornered
    The pawn of my past
    A vacuous future in store
    With nothing to offer me.

    So the villains curse
    The angels weep
    For nothing is certain
    And nothing awaits me
    A slave to the gods
    None of whom I believe
    Why should I pretend
    That heaven is within my reach?




    Submitted on 2011-09-04 20:25:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      well first is the line "nothing is awaits me" i think that participle is out of place, or merely a typo. other than that, i think i like this.

    the questions that you posit were powerful and strong. but the title takes away from your queries. a question can never be a lie, and never a truth. it is what it is. the title counterbalances it poorly. why bother asking in the first place if one is expecting a lie. and it feels like you're answering your own questions without being truthful. thus giving a weak feel to this.

    you ask about your fate but hearken to your past. its still ongoing isnt it? for all we know one could get trapped under a rock like that movie (god forbid). our fates will constantly be uncertain. thats the beauty of it.

    then you ask about heaven. pretending that it is within reach is fine and all, we are all pretending. pretending to breath and be alive. pretending to care. pretending to work. pretending to eat and shit and feel pain. the worse pretension of all i think is against oneself. a greek guy once said; to thy own self be true. so gods and heaven be damned if im ever going to lie to myself. your second question is by far the strongest here.

    peace.
    | Posted on 2011-09-05 00:00:00 | by Pietro | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes this is what I'm talking about, you are definitely dwlivering a powerful message and it feels like even though you could have put more power intonit, this power is enough to let you know what is happening here.

    Nice work, I think with extra metaphor and symbolism it could be something special.
    | Posted on 2011-09-05 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      this reminds me so much of emily dickinson and her stand on God, religion, the damned...

    "the soul selects her own society" is poem of hers that deals with same subject.

    i like how you deal with it also..

    kind of that attitude...oh well, screw it..i'm damned anyway..so i am going to make the most of it.
    | Posted on 2011-09-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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