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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Snake eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 543
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 778



    Description:
       Just felt like writing something


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSnake eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have learnt to stop looking into your eyes,
    to stop seeing the torture prisons and cobwebs.
    Being an empath does not mean I can pretend to care,
    just that I have to leave to stop choking on your pain.

    So staple your wrists to mine and feel the burning rush
    of being connected to the source of anguish again,
    stop running from yourself please, my feet are numb now
    and the prickly earth seems to cut so deep.

    So this is what it's like to run in a field of crushed dreams?

    Let me fight the demons in your eyes one last time
    before we let go again, it'll be like old times
    when we could polish knives with tears
    and smile like we just met.

    -svw




    Submitted on 2011-09-05 02:51:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You know severe mental disorders like
    schizophrenia and bipolar disorder
    affect less than 2% of the population.
    Why then does it seem like 99%
    of the women I meet socially are so
    affected?

    | Posted on 2011-09-24 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      "the prickly earth" yep, i like that.
    | Posted on 2011-09-05 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      "staple your wrists to mine and feel the burning rush"

    wow

    "when we could polish knives with tears/ and smile just like we met"

    wow again....shawn, really good lines...

    i like the movement in this...the emotional attachment that shows even though we are so wrong for each other...and that she would bring the speaker down if he stays with her...he is willing one more time to take that fatal ride with her...

    my only bug in the poem is "shards" but that is me...i am just tired of that word in poems..almost like it is an afterthought..and it stands out to me like when poets use "in my mind's eye"

    just feels cliché...

    but aside from that one glitch for me..i really think this piece is perfect in its language..and i really felt the ride...
    nice work--you drew me in.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-09-05 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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    192387

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