Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Horderdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.82 - 23/159/137
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 532
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1124



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Horderdots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I opened the door for you
    I'm sure that you would come in
    But I know what you would see
    Blinding as the light can be
    May be too much to handle

    So I hide that door from you
    I explore from time to time
    I'll remove the lock and hinge
    And I suppose I'll let you in
    Once I clean the mess inside

    It's a wreck in there
    Years of love and pain
    Are horded in piles so high
    That I'll have to fix the sky
    With an elephant in the room

    Can't be sorted by letter
    Some feelings have no name
    The weight is always shifting
    And too much change for sifting
    Guess I'll just scrub it clean

    I suppose I could toss out
    Things I doubt I will miss
    But that can be hard to find
    Within the compounds of my mind
    It's why I'm always hording

    Maybe if I keep working
    And it looks neat enough
    I'll give you a key
    And you can help me
    Find a space for you




    Submitted on 2011-09-05 18:40:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm not very good at arguing this point, but I'll try again with your poem:

    For me, this poem says too much. The reader gets the emotion straight from the story, but that takes away from the general reaction of the reader. It could be more arbitrary, or open to interpretation; and sometimes when you paint everything in black and white it takes the poem into one specific direction, negating subjective interpretation.
    Know what I mean?

    Anyways...

    I get this overwhelming theme of not being able to let go of something...or more specific, someone.
    And then when you find someone else you can only hope that you truly care for them instead of trying to fill this void. But it's not really a void, it's quite the opposite. It's a lack of space, that needs to be cleared. Love the irony. And I love what you did with the last stanza.

    A really good piece.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-09-06 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192397

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry