Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Horderdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 23/161/138
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 708
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1124



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Horderdots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I opened the door for you
    I'm sure that you would come in
    But I know what you would see
    Blinding as the light can be
    May be too much to handle

    So I hide that door from you
    I explore from time to time
    I'll remove the lock and hinge
    And I suppose I'll let you in
    Once I clean the mess inside

    It's a wreck in there
    Years of love and pain
    Are horded in piles so high
    That I'll have to fix the sky
    With an elephant in the room

    Can't be sorted by letter
    Some feelings have no name
    The weight is always shifting
    And too much change for sifting
    Guess I'll just scrub it clean

    I suppose I could toss out
    Things I doubt I will miss
    But that can be hard to find
    Within the compounds of my mind
    It's why I'm always hording

    Maybe if I keep working
    And it looks neat enough
    I'll give you a key
    And you can help me
    Find a space for you




    Submitted on 2011-09-05 18:40:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm not very good at arguing this point, but I'll try again with your poem:

    For me, this poem says too much. The reader gets the emotion straight from the story, but that takes away from the general reaction of the reader. It could be more arbitrary, or open to interpretation; and sometimes when you paint everything in black and white it takes the poem into one specific direction, negating subjective interpretation.
    Know what I mean?

    Anyways...

    I get this overwhelming theme of not being able to let go of something...or more specific, someone.
    And then when you find someone else you can only hope that you truly care for them instead of trying to fill this void. But it's not really a void, it's quite the opposite. It's a lack of space, that needs to be cleared. Love the irony. And I love what you did with the last stanza.

    A really good piece.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-09-06 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192397

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Meditations one written by MyPeriodical
    Release written by robbie
    Untitled written by _winky_
    Instances written by hyproglo
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    I am a sorry son. written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Gone written by MyPeriodical
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Leyenda de Un Maldito Cobarde written by MyPeriodical
    Giant written by MyPeriodical
    I am still sorry. written by MyPeriodical
    HeroĆ­na written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    Behest [krb + drb] written by Daniel Barlow
    Rezar por la naturaleza written by MyPeriodical

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry