Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Horderdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 23/160/138
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 610
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1124



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Horderdots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I opened the door for you
    I'm sure that you would come in
    But I know what you would see
    Blinding as the light can be
    May be too much to handle

    So I hide that door from you
    I explore from time to time
    I'll remove the lock and hinge
    And I suppose I'll let you in
    Once I clean the mess inside

    It's a wreck in there
    Years of love and pain
    Are horded in piles so high
    That I'll have to fix the sky
    With an elephant in the room

    Can't be sorted by letter
    Some feelings have no name
    The weight is always shifting
    And too much change for sifting
    Guess I'll just scrub it clean

    I suppose I could toss out
    Things I doubt I will miss
    But that can be hard to find
    Within the compounds of my mind
    It's why I'm always hording

    Maybe if I keep working
    And it looks neat enough
    I'll give you a key
    And you can help me
    Find a space for you




    Submitted on 2011-09-05 18:40:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm not very good at arguing this point, but I'll try again with your poem:

    For me, this poem says too much. The reader gets the emotion straight from the story, but that takes away from the general reaction of the reader. It could be more arbitrary, or open to interpretation; and sometimes when you paint everything in black and white it takes the poem into one specific direction, negating subjective interpretation.
    Know what I mean?

    Anyways...

    I get this overwhelming theme of not being able to let go of something...or more specific, someone.
    And then when you find someone else you can only hope that you truly care for them instead of trying to fill this void. But it's not really a void, it's quite the opposite. It's a lack of space, that needs to be cleared. Love the irony. And I love what you did with the last stanza.

    A really good piece.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-09-06 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192397

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Fasade written by jackz
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Summer written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Linger written by saartha
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bond written by saartha
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    True Death written by layDsayD
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry