Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Stitches of a Broken Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xxalpal4everzxx
    ASL Info:    13/F/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 10/26/19
    Words: 246
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 616
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1383



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Stitches of a Broken Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She sat in a room and gazed at her heart,
    Broken in pieces from the end to the start,
    Didn’t realize the scratches until it was too late,
    I guess this was just the spin on fate,
    Now she walks to the doctors and asks them what’s wrong,
    They say your heart’s been broken too long,
    It seems as though someone scratched your heart bit by bit,
    She asks how could this be I never let him touch it,
    The doctor looks at her and then back at her heart,
    Then goes through his drawers and pulls out a part,
    With a smile he hands it to the girl and says this,
    Take it and put it in the part that’s a miss,
    She placed her heart on the table and looked at the scars,
    Stitches, Band-Aids, and a tattoo that says “ours”,
    Tears started draining from her eyes,
    She went through in her head all of his lies,
    Looked straight at the doctor then back at the heart,
    She looked at it a while then put in the part,
    Then tears slowed and the scars went away,
    Her heart started beating and still does to this day,
    And the doctor said with joy now go and live your life,
    But before she put it back she took out a knife,
    Scratched out the tattoo and put in something new,
    It read now “mine” and then put it back in her chest brand new.





    Submitted on 2011-09-06 18:00:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Aweee it's so cuuuuute^_^ I love it! I read a comment up there about you being thirteen, and I'm like woahh, that's good for your age:) I'm thirteen too, turning fourteen in two months.
    | Posted on 2011-10-24 00:00:00 | by Undead37 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow what a wonderul heartwarming story! It paints a picture of someone who has been broken and hurt yet they went and found something worth living for again and stitched back the torn heart and moved on with their lives.

    This was beautifully written :)

    (Fave)

    Althea~
    | Posted on 2011-10-24 00:00:00 | by AltheaLaochra | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite moving. I too (like DaleP) enjoy the lengths to which the metaphor is taken. Are you really only 13? This is very impressive for someone so young!

    My favorite lines:
    She placed her heart on the table and looked at the scars,
    Stitches, Band-Aids, and a tattoo that says “ours”

    I love that the protagonist heals herself in the end, too! Moving past pain. . . a tricky operation indeed!

    One small crit from me is that I would take out the last line. I don't think it's needed. Or maybe just shorten it a bit.

    This is great though, really. It's something special.
    | Posted on 2011-10-02 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      
    I like the frankensteinian surrealism of your poem.
    The idea of such radical surgery to reanimate
    your psyche is kewl. The end is sweet too
    just remove the old tattoo (like someone’s name
    you made the mistake of inking in, only
    this one is literally on your heart.)
    Put back the heart and life is all better.
    This is creative. Creative is one
    of my favorite things.
    | Posted on 2011-10-01 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! a GREAT POEM I MUST SAY! I was on the edge of my seat wanting more!

    I could feel alot of emotions in this poem.
    Sad to say we all face broken hearts sometimes.
    Thanks
    keep writing!
    | Posted on 2011-09-12 00:00:00 | by janekostman09 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192412

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry