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    dots Submission Name: Instinct/ Nynaevedots

    Author: Nynaeve
    ASL Info:    23, female, Israel
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 43/67/28
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 456
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 553

       The feeling you get when you do something you know to be wrong for the first time.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInstinct/ Nynaevedots

    I hear it,
    Cringing at the sound.
    The Pain flaring,
    The flesh tearing.

    I can almost feel it,
    Shuddering at the sight.
    Skin stretching,
    Bones breaking.

    I smell it,
    The stench of coming death.
    Blood flowing,
    Heart slowing.

    I can almost taste it,
    No longer afraid.
    Eyes glazing,
    Mouth gaping,

    Not in peace,
    Just in rage.
    As I end you,
    While I end myself.

    Submitted on 2011-09-07 19:30:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||

    This is not my style of writing so the comment I am attempting is a challenge.

    Hearing, feeling, smelling and tasting. These are the methods that this is being communicated. I like how the sight is absent. That these are kind of subtle methods, that the guilt is being spoken to the subconscious. I dont know if that was intentional but if so I think that is very good.

    At one point this transistions from being slighty aware of what the speaker is about to do, to being fully conscious. The intention seems to change. The speaker accepts consequence. So I think it is natural that they chose to end themselves.
    | Posted on 2011-09-09 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      The rhymes/off rhymes work. The material is too dark for me, however. I am well past dwelling on coming death by my own hand. Even though there may be pain every day, it is not so much that I would want to end myself - I like living. Life is a lot what I make it. If greedy, controlling bastards want to crush my life because I want to fly, I should raise my voice for freedom, not shrink and die.

    Believe in yourself - Jim
    | Posted on 2011-09-07 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]

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