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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: your lies were my truthdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xxalpal4everzxx
    ASL Info:    13/F/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 10/26/19
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/I hate you
    Total Views: 678
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 709



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsyour lies were my truthdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You took me to heaven then threw me to hell,
    You made me ring but I use to be your belle,
    You use to be the only thing I learned,
    But after a year class was adjourned,
    You use to be the beat to my heart,
    Thought you loved me from the very start,
    It’s funny how I use to be willing to die for you,
    But you murdered me before I got the chance to,
    I don’t understand why hurting me amused you so much,
    But the way you did it I can still feel your touch,
    You cut me open until my blood was gone,
    I even let you take that long,
    I didn’t understand until it was too late,
    And now I have to deal with your stupid fate




    Submitted on 2011-09-07 19:45:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love the creativity of this piece. You used a lot of original concepts to convey this message. The whole class was adjourned line was great! I just love that you're not using clichés or writing poems that have been overdone.

    In order to revise this I would try to look for words that do not fit. A lot of this writing is high-style, so adjectives like "stupid" don't seem to work. Try coming up with some more original synonyms for some of the commonplace words. Otherwise, great job Als!

    <3 Jamie <33
    | Posted on 2011-10-10 00:00:00 | by Anneboleyn707 | [ Reply to This ]


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