This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

To Hell With September

Author: Runes
Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 790 /815 /281
Words: 127
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1072
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 783


To Hell With September

September draws her sweater close after it gets dark,
making gold of summer green down in City Park.
August left the merry-go still warm and turning round,
but since September made the scene,
August has left town.

September hangs outside my window pane, as if to say
I'm here awhile so put the pencil down, come out and play!
But every time I see her, she steals something else I need
and leaves me crying to October after she takes leave.

Other months have robbed me, and April almost killed,
but none were quite so cunning as September with their skills.
Last year I threw the window open, calling her my friend
but now I know how cold she grows; I won't trust her again.

Submitted on 2011-09-08 20:39:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  maybe you're s.a.d.? idk i've really gotta put down the psyche homework but it has been proving useful recently. I've been speaking openly with the psychiatrists and thus far it seems they are open to my perceptions about all the subjectivities dealing with me. i'm still kind of on the fence as to whether or not i take the social security if given the opportunity. i guess September feels like a whole year to me. i think i'm learning how to take the pencil with me. compromise is a big word, one i haven't been too fond of in the past but it's been helpful recently. this new manner of associations while less enjoyable has been working wonders for me. you were completely right about the whole sonnet thing. polyrythms are more adequate. I found out today that i almost got diagnosed with scizo-affective disorder but that's not what it turned out to be luckily. i'm hoping that September becomes a very good month for me. the change in weather doesn't seem to matter so much recently. sorry for my lack of truly relevant comments. i guess maybe it's like seasons change but it's not always a bad thing like it may seem initially.
| Posted on 2011-09-13 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
  very interesting, and beautiful it had very nice personification. i never thought i would feel emotion behind a poem that seemed to be about months, but you did an amazing job.
| Posted on 2011-09-09 00:00:00 | by AshleyDYoung | [ Reply to This ]
  what a great fresh twist on this motif....poems about fall are all the same....turning colder, leaves changing color, warm summer breezes giving way to crisp fall air, the approach of winter, etc.

great rhythm too....the rhyme is subtle and effective....

I love how you take risks in your writing....many people adore the fall, love (and look forward to) the approach of September...but here, the speaker no longer welcomes her because she knows her real potential....

another superb write, Runes!!

| Posted on 2011-09-09 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi Runes. This might cheer u up. regards Joachim

Winter's Song Poem

My face is clouded by the shameless wind.
My head is bowed by the heavy sky.
I make my crooked way unseen and unheard.
My legs are bowed. My feet are splayed.
My bones are brittle. My teeth are all worn.
My breath escapes me through a hole in the world.
My thoughts like quicksilver slip out of my grasp.
My body, bent and distorted by time's embrace,
Stumbles through what's left of my life.
My ears are numb. My vision's blurred.
My passion's spent. My soul inured.
And yet I continue I still go on
For no other reason but to hear winter's song.
The cold clean air that bites at my cheeks
The stark still shadows of a December's Eve.
These plain simple things become so precious and real
Each breath each moment that might be repealed
Each step is my eternity.
Each day my infancy.

Evelin Cardenas

| Posted on 2011-09-09 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
  just like in a relationship...she turns cold, she leaves me frustrated...she is an evil season...

not only personification but great metaphor..

rhyming yes, but cleverly inventive...

my only problem here is in the second stanza...with the two "takes"

i would reword one of those lines to get rid of one of them...

i would close my window too...might get a little stuffy, but at least it is safe.

| Posted on 2011-09-08 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the additional stanza, seriously. I think it might be the best one as far as flow goes.

| Posted on 2011-09-08 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
  I've always been a fan of personification.
The second half almost suggest that September is replacing a need to write or to work..?
Like, you don't need or want to write, because you are content with September. But you're still yearning for October??
Maybe I didn't follow that as well as I thought I did.
Nonetheless, good write. I always enjoy reading your poems.

| Posted on 2011-09-08 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?