Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: His Name Is No More (Reworking II) dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 75/182/217
    Words: 509
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 711
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3460



    Description:
       An updated of the piece I am re-working, not finished but any input welcome.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHis Name Is No More (Reworking II) dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Betrayal is a good place if any to start-
    So long ago; so many decrepit thoughts
    Smearing memories like an oily haze
    Hands against glass block the part-
    The eyes behold nothing but haze
    Wait for a moment let it restart-

    Here I once stood; before God I prayed
    Subtle whispers- Soft thunder of the heart
    Through my tongue twisted of contrition
    I cried; screamed- A hark!
    Mind deranged; I saw no sign... perhaps delayed
    Silence spoke in rejection
    Cold, the wind jolted- A spark!
    Strong armed, a man fell to his knees
    Ruthlessly in pain God spoke of his volition
    Cascading the Sun melted away
    Burdened; turmoil and pain
    The divine restitution...
    Love for himself; covetous of his gift
    Smite- subtle fractures obtained;
    A debt on the soul- A chasm- rift
    Formless in faith, he scoffed at the thought
    He was no marionette... or so he thought...

    It was the look in my eyes-
    No it cannot be- It was not me that froze; died.
    His name was no more-
    It was a shooting star before dawn- shot past the rise
    of the sun and light crashing into his mind
    The warmth of night- residual across that line
    he walked so long and tight-
    The pull of his heart... Strings snapping like twine
    for the love of all he'd fight-
    Until he could remember who he was....

    "Oh, mother- my mother!"

    Spoken obediently-

    "Please, I beg save me from my dream..."

    Face in reflection- riding the stream
    shifting monstrosity-
    Rapids; ripples, strung with regret attributes of all other;
    Yet it couldn't sink beneath the skin

    "Send me to Hell- Damnation begins my life... The start."

    Wrath was crawling the structure divide-
    Claws that rend; teeth that bind...
    Hideous was it's voice- Fire; fatal force.
    Vanity had taken the eyes; mind.
    Failure to listen to God; abide
    Deception slid like a blade smooth and coarse
    making the water murky in the heart-
    He would begin to drown...

    "Melancholy my love, come a bit closer."

    Here I stand-
    Let me tell you of his hand...
    Reaching from the cold depths of his own trench
    Understand no flower would be cast to his name
    Forgotten who I... Who he was in youth
    Am I just another name?
    Just another forgotten face?
    With hands clenched in faith- Force from my neck
    the words of his mistake.

    Self obsessed with who he was
    His name was no more-
    He had forgot it all...
    His name was once loved; adored-
    Forsaken he wished it true again
    His name was strong; true-
    Beneath his lifeless facade, pale and blue
    His name was no more-
    It couldn't be yours
    His name was no more-
    The mistake of the word...

    "Mother, my mother!"

    Face turned heaven-side

    "Father, my father!"

    Resting his weary eyes, mouth agape- nothing but cries.
    Buried in the depths of his name-
    Consumed by the water- Under-toe of rage-
    Maelstrom he became- wanting it all again.




    Submitted on 2011-09-12 11:45:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192480

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd
    This written by Chelebel
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Push written by JanePlane
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    The Promise written by annie0888
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry