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    dots Submission Name: Seed or Plaindots

    Author: Iram
    ASL Info:    25/F/from your world
    Elite Ratio:    2.66 - 50/62/55
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 490
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1040


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSeed or Plaindots

    In loam or clay or the mud
    Under season, under play
    I'm a bud, I'm the bud
    Sneezing, squeezing, germinating
    Poking through my shell when waiting
    Blue society, greenish rains
    Overruled domains
    I flutter, fly, frown
    I fly away again
    My winged existence is blown
    Let freedom be my claim
    I'm a germinating seed
    A pine in a wrong plain

    Neither seed nor a claim
    You my lady are a chain
    Chain of sprinkles, twinkles, cycles
    You are chain of particles
    The land, the field, a miracle
    Sweeping slowly turning slowly
    Smiling and deserving slowly
    New auricles and ventricles
    Not only bud but many buds
    Who ripen up in your heart
    Making backs, taking naps
    Turning into maps and sages
    And juicing out words and wages
    Dripping down languages

    You are round, not in pain
    Neither seed nor a claim
    Aye lady! the finest plain.

    Submitted on 2011-09-12 14:01:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this manages to be both eloquent and elegant and any poem that can be described with a rhyming alliteration is automatically a 10 to the aesthetic subset of my persona-plane of today. truly a moving manifesto of slow grow sew to know field fun running between two schools of logic and calling it hip to be a skin changing lizard by proxy. sweet sinks and brink biding contingenseas swell tell waters inside of me hoping we mix-tours with learn mores and find the fun of foolery. this gave me a much needed sigh of relief. have a gesturing cyber hug and hope your not bugged tugging from the polyrythm factory!
    | Posted on 2011-09-26 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      This is wonder full.

    My favorite lines:
    You my lady are a chain
    Chain of sprinkles, twinkles, cycles
    You are chain of particles
    The land, the field, a miracle

    I also love the line about "dripping down languages".

    This is really fresh and fertile ground you're breaking.

    I like to look up (even well-known) words when I see them in poetry and so I saw these two definitions that seemed almost poetic in their own right (especially when looking at what you've said).

    a plain can be described as:

    a broad unbroken expanse


    a land with relatively low relief

    Does the seed wish to break the expanse or is he looking for some small relief? Why does he feel he's in the "wrong" plain?

    One minor distraction for me is the line about the pine. I kept picturing a pine cone and that didn't fit with the other "seed" imagery here. But that's just me not understanding, I'm sure. I know a cone holds many seeds inside it so. . .

    Enough of my rambling. This poem is enchanting because of how it sees nature as miracle, woman as plain. It is pregnant with metaphor and for that I applaud you!
    | Posted on 2011-09-22 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem really appeals to me..i will be back...still getting a handle on how it hits me overall, theme-wise...

    but i like the way you wove the words here...rhythmic...sassy!

    | Posted on 2011-09-13 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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