Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Excerpt From A Letter


Author: Ontlogicalamity
ASL Info:    33/M/NY
Elite Ratio:    4.67 - 190 /194 /45
Words: 212
Class/Type: Prose /Misc
Total Views: 1463
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1095



Description:


Have you ever written something routinely, and then stopped to look it over and thought, "wow, that's pretty good!" I am currently visiting with some friends, and when I wrote someone else to tell her how things were going, I got through this paragraph and kept going, and when I looked back I thought, "wow, that's pretty good!" So here it is, an excerpt from a real live letter. Any commentary is, as always, appreciated.


Excerpt From A Letter



After flying for a while we met up with John's friend Brian who turned out to be really cool. Later on we finally found Jesse, the guy we were going to stay with, and the four of us went to dinner at a very cool restaurant. We took seats outside, and the sun was warm on my back, setting over the Hudson river. The restaurant brews its own beer and I had a very good pale ale with a grilled chicken salad that was more than half-way decent. Conversation went far and wide, and settled for some time on the upcoming election. It's rather amusing to sit with a group of men and discuss politics. I'm reminded of War and Peace, with the nobles standing around in little parties talking about the war as though they were the experts and it was so incredibly obvious that their point of view was the correct one, and why did nobody else see it? And I was reminded of something else I read, though I don't recall what, which had a similar tone but in a more modern setting. Anyway, the waitress was very friendly and we gave her a good tip. We were quite satisfied.




Submitted on 2004-07-30 15:37:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  This is pretty good - I think you might wanna ind another descriptive word besides 'cool'. Its good that people are both a) reading War and Peace and b) talking about politics. Now your c) grilled chicken salad made me hungry so i gotta forage...
shard
| Posted on 2004-07-30 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with nameless_nobody it sounds like an excerpt from memoirs you have yet to write...maybe then this is a sign that you should write them, granted when you have a few more years of life in you, in my opinion. I love the fact that the whole image is in my head like a norman rockwell painting.
| Posted on 2004-07-30 00:00:00 | by Mithrandir | [ Reply to This ]
  because of the description i felt like i was eavesdropping here.. it was a bit voyeuristic..
but you're right .. it is cool.. and it left me wanting more.. why not make a story out of it?

i loved the lines "And I was reminded of something else I read, though I don't recall what, which had a similar tone but in a more modern setting"... it's interesting how selective our memory can be..
| Posted on 2004-07-30 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
  your right thats pretty cool. it sounds like part of a book or something. guys talking about polatics. wow i thought intelegent conversation was killed when morons took over society. its good to know that there are still some decent people left. i hope you had a good time. peace out
| Posted on 2004-07-30 00:00:00 | by nameless_nobody | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



19249