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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "as long as you are here"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 520
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 671



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"as long as you are here"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    The world has become too fast
    to worry about scratched cars
    and torn cuticles
    resting on tired fingers,
    so I pray for Sundays
    with prisms clasped,
    ready for colorless days
    where tears are forced
    over paralyzed faces
    and songs lose meaning.

    Amidst the revolutions
    of pregnant thoughts not yet poetic
    and the beginnings of poetry unversed,
    I untangle rainbows and iron them
    between pressed lips
    as I suck them into my helixes
    to burn out the remains
    of stolen yesterdays
    so I can kiss your shoulders
    like I do in my dreams..




    Submitted on 2011-09-14 05:20:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the title suits this pieces, through the entire thing it feels as if the speaker is holding onto their breath,

    hesitating,
    holding onto the present moment.
    And the word choice and the imagery is so creative it truly ices this cake.

    You hold your reader in this piece, capture something, this really makes a chemical connection, nice move.

    Thanks for sharing.
    Jaz
    | Posted on 2011-10-14 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      "as long as you are here," "so I can kiss your shoulders, like I do in my dreams," then I can survive the letdown of "tired fingers," "pregnant thoughts not yet poetic," and ,"poetry unversed." The image of the sustaining muse, the one that carries us through the arid patches, and allows us to find new "rainbows" to "iron ." Very nice images. Iliked it.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2011-09-15 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      "i untangle rainbows/ and press them between tired lips"

    love those lines...there are poems to be pressed onto paper...i am waiting for that lull in my life...that time when the world slows down enough for me to catch my breath, to write about it....to fix the scratches...repair my mental damage...i still kiss your shoulders in my dreams but my yesterdays are only stolen memories...and i will burn what's left of them out with the words i write...

    i will "rain" poetry---and produce more rainbows to untangle.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-09-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, nicely done.
    I especially liked "of pregnant thoughts not yet poetic" a birth of the revolution. It's just not in bloom yet.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-09-14 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      Powerful viewing Shaun with words well place I share your glimpse of a future not arrived - yet.

    "I untangle rainbows and iron them
    between pressed lips
    as I suck them into my helixes
    to burn out the remains
    of stolen yesterdays...."

    This reminds me of a poem I wrote in 2009 and reflects what you are referring to in the shown stanza that is in it self vivid metaphor for maybe what should have been left untouched now became reminders of somethings tasted before, became history now lost.
    One should not take from the future to apply today for that future will become yesterday - gone.

    You are doing well. Regards Joachim.

    The poem is the starred one shown on my page. Keep well. jm
    | Posted on 2011-09-14 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]


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