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Author: tjsmith5
ASL Info:    28/m/MS
Elite Ratio:    5.49 - 109 /231 /124
Words: 268
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 943
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1916


I am beginning to seriously think I have a mental illness. Not hearing voices or desiring to hurt people, but hurriedly slamming into a full mental breakdown.


I can say this now,
in desperation.

I’m on vacation in Florida.
Saturday in mid-September.
The crowd is small and pleasant,
Passing by me as I sit
Outside a coffee house,
Unable relax.

The old walk on
Unconcerned about Death
Coming before they return
To their condos.

The young go to movies
At the Imax
And play volleyball
Under carnival lights
unhindered by thoughts
of homework
or the future job market.

The happy crowd passes me
Without notice
As if I were a still lizard
In a flowerbed.

I’ve welcomed this negligence
Because it meant that I lived
By another set of rules.

But I need them sometimes.
And when I do,
It’s bad.

I take a half xanax.

The old cures are impotent.
I worked overtime until
I went mad.
Christ has rightfully
Moved on from me
For better chances elsewhere.
And the women’s dainty bodies
worth it.

And if I could change things now
I’d put at my side, yes,
A tinkerbell face
With something real to say
With something real in her touch,
And stand with held hands atop
this coffee table and
scream into the sweet Gulf breeze.

Scream so that everyone stopped.
The young,
The old,
The bartenders,
The miniskirts,
The seabirds ,
The dolphins,
The entire pleasant crowd.

Dear God…
Dear God is there more?

Some desperation
is not so quiet.

I take the other half of the xanax.

Panama City, Fl – 9/17/11

Submitted on 2011-09-17 21:17:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Coffee house? BTW, did you know you can OD on caffeine? Symptoms can start after about 3 cups but that would vary with the individual. If one drinks a lot of coffee and has questions about his or her mental stability, it pays to do a little research to see if that might be a problem. For example:

Toxicologists: Caffeine poisoning masquerades as anxiety, manic depression, schizophrenia

“Caffeine-induced psychosis, whether it be delirium, manic depression, schizophrenia, or merely an anxiety syndrome, in most cases will be hard to differentiate from organic or non-organic psychoses….

The treatment for caffeine-induced psychosis is to withhold further caffeine.”
“Thousands are in mental institutions today because of no greater matter than that of the use of caffeine. Psychiatrists are now publishing articles indicating that there are numerous cases of depression and anxiety in mental institutions who need no other treatment than to be taken off caffeine. It would seem that with such a simple remedy available, many thousands of people could be returned to their full usefulness promptly.

“However, the use of caffeine is so traditional and firmly entrenched that it is almost impossible to remove caffeinated drinks from the diet of patients in the mental institutions. Soft drink machines, coffee dispensers, and the traditional coffee break are common pastimes in mental institutions, and with those who are mentally ill at home.” ( Also check out the study using spider webs, it's amazing all by itself.

Oh yes, I only harp on this because I had a serious and very costly problem for which all indicators would blame far too much coffee intake and lack of rest. If that's not the problem, it is still good to be so informed as many are not and suffer the consequences of taking too much coffee or energy drinks.
| Posted on 2011-09-18 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked this poem. I'm not sure why. one bad thing about it however is that it read a lot more like a story than a poem. Two things i liked were the part about the lizard, and the part about screaming until everyone stopped and how you listed everyone, including the dolphins.

Sorry i'm not so good at comments, i've been away from this website for a long time.

| Posted on 2011-09-17 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]

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