Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My One and Only dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: YoungKaizen
    ASL Info:    25/M/Brooklyn,NYC
    Elite Ratio:    1.26 - 4/6/19
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 669
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 534



    Description:
       These are some lyrics from a song I wrote.. hope you enjoy


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy One and Only dots
    -------------------------------------------




    if love hurts I'm immune to it's pain

    because everyday with you is sunny with no rain

    you the only one that helped me maintain

    kept me on track even when I couldn't afford the train

    on my top spot you'll remain

    you my Novocain

    stressful nights your love is Advil to my brain

    even though at times it seem like I'm being vain

    with out you in my life I'll go insane




    Submitted on 2011-09-18 11:46:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      thank you very much for the advice I will most definitely take it into consideration next time... :-)
    | Posted on 2011-09-23 00:00:00 | by YoungKaizen | [ Reply to This ]
      The rhyme scheme here is too simplistic. Really.

    For a song? Hmm....I'm not so sure either. I'm not trying to bash you or anything, there is some potentical in this, trust me. Try not to stick to simple rhymes, be creative with your writing. Work wonders with words, don't create flat sentences with similar endings. Songs, poems, all that, are windows to a world. It's suppose to show US what's in your heart, what you feel, what inspires you.

    I hope your writing grows. ;
    | Posted on 2011-09-19 00:00:00 | by Dark Dann | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192559

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Push written by JanePlane
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Once Again written by krs3332003

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry