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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Vigilance dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 323
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 542



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVigilance dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once, when I was little
    and my father yelled at me

    I snuck out of his sight
    and lay my bike down in the road.

    I sprawled out next to it
    my legs and arms crooked awkwardly.

    Minutes later (when I was bored
    and about to rise)
    my father saw me motionless
    and rushed to me
    eyes fierce and full of tears.

    I sat up quick and told him
    I'd just been resting

    we both knew then
    he'd never rest again.




    Submitted on 2011-09-21 12:28:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I have known for a long time that
    girls are evil but at such a young age?
    | Posted on 2011-09-24 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      You just put "What comes around goes around" into a different level, I had a similiar situation this made me smile when I read it.

    Nicely penned!

    Althea~
    | Posted on 2011-09-22 00:00:00 | by AltheaLaochra | [ Reply to This ]
      "I sat up quick and told him
    Id just been resting

    we both knew then
    hed never rest again"

    Yes it is very cool how you used "rest" in those two stanzas.
    "I'd just been resting", putting your guard down in the middle of the road, in order to become vulnerable so your father could notice you. The him never resting again took rest to a new meaning; of never letting you out of his sight, essentially.

    Very cool.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-09-21 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      nice twist at the end....

    yes, he would be ever vigilant...that was one way to get attention...and find out how much you meant to him....

    like Lloyd said..."ouch"

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-09-21 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Speaking as a father, "Ouch!". Good lesson here.
    | Posted on 2011-09-21 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


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