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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Am I Not Supermandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: faideddarkness
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Idaho
    Elite Ratio:    6.54 - 101/55/50
    Words: 631
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 782
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3718



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAm I Not Supermandots
    -------------------------------------------


    Take off my face to see this mask of disgrace
    My under world on fire of these burning desires
    Take out my eyes
    The secrets I hide inside
    All the truth that is written between the lies
    Take off my face to see the man in me
    My under world stuck under seas
    Blackening my tears to hide away
    Iím superman
    Iíll fly for one more day.
    Itís my turn to be superman just for one day
    Under the moon light Iíll fly away
    Iíll rain down the stars to brighten the sky
    An aurora borea filling every ones eyes
    Itís my turn to be superman
    and then Iíll take my leave
    Leave you all with a message
    to have something to believe
    Iím superman
    Iíll fly for one more day.
    Your superman
    Flying away
    All the tears filling the air
    From the moments that were never really fare
    Who was it that saved you after the last second
    Sweep you out of that fire and took you away
    I never ask anyone for anything in return
    For what I am no way anybody could repay
    Look at my face and the stories it screams
    All my nightmares and my relived dreams
    Every day when I fear Iíll drop from the sky
    Like a bird loosen itís wings and is now about to die
    And when I hit the ground my moment breaks
    And I cant open my eyes when I should awake
    The people scream from whom I couldnít save
    And now I stair at whatís left of them
    Standing over them while they lay in there grave
    sometimes I still lay there in wonder
    Wishing I could have been there a second sooner
    But I am/ still just a man
    whom you call superman
    Itís my turn to be superman just for one day
    Under the moon light Iíll fly away
    Iíll rain down the stars to brighten the sky
    An aurora borea filling every ones eyes
    Itís my turn to be superman
    and then Iíll take my leave
    Leave you all with a message
    to have something to believe
    Iím superman
    Iíll fly for one more day.
    Your superman
    Flying away
    I stand on the surface of the clouds
    Wind in my face and a cape off my back
    Like a flag on my shoulders
    Bring hope to those in trouble
    Like rage streaking the sky
    Holding the pillars that would have crumbled
    But now I fail you every time you go to expect
    Saying that I only came just to neglected
    But I was there giving my life
    My moment of fear came at the worst of night
    I lost it all after my best
    And now I canít even begin to fight
    This is the part I open my eyes
    All those I save begin to turn away
    I hold out my hand at my weakest
    But you only stair at me like Iím a living disgrace
    Then you walk by and kick me in the side
    Who are you people, all turning aside
    Giving up what youíve all been living
    And now your leaving me dieing on this bloody floor
    And when your all done kicking me when Iím down
    Iíll just take off and leave you to wrought in the ground
    Blackening my tears to hide away
    Iím superman
    Iíll fly for one more day.
    Itís my turn to be superman just for one day
    Under the moon light Iíll fly away
    Iíll rain down the stars to brighten the sky
    An aurora borea filling every ones eyes
    Itís my turn to be superman
    and then Iíll take my leave
    Leave you all with a message
    to have something to believe
    Iím superman
    Iíll fly for one more day.
    Your superman
    Flying away




    Submitted on 2011-09-22 19:21:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like parts of this but two things really kept me from enjoying it as a whole...the length...i think this could have been half as long and been much more powerful...tighten it up...also be careful of punctuation...contractions take apostrophes...and the misuse of "lay"

    there is poetic license but in
    "they lie in their grave" "i still lie there"

    careful of spellings too...your reader wants to read for content and feeling...not get caught up with editing..

    i really see a strong poem developing here with work...the "superman" concept is clever.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-09-23 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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