Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I am but Dust.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Joachim
    ASL Info:    75 Male RSA
    Elite Ratio:    5.39 - 361/264/178
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 544
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 899



    Description:
       I have rewritten this poem "Dust" to hopefully fall in more favour from my beloved critics.

    joachim


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI am but Dust.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the most hidden spaces of my memory
    Dust devils scatter small echoes of my Memories
    across the Walls of Yesteryear.
    Shimmering on the Midnight horizons of my Mind.

    Playful eddies of dust like an innocent child,
    Impishly scurrying across my most sacred memories
    unearthed from hiding places embedded
    in aeons of drifting sands covered by
    ancient mysteries from the fabrics of my universe

    Sculpturing with tiny swirls of dust
    visions from the ethereal deserts of my life
    Shaping realities from the traces of long lost civilisations
    covered by the soft drifting sands of my imagination
    shaped by memories long gone:

    I am an Oasis of Life,
    Shaped by memories,
    Written in the dust of yesteryear.

    I am but Dust.







    Submitted on 2011-09-23 13:57:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this has such heart and soul

    really like the last stanza very much...

    did you mean "i am an oasis"?

    but yes nice analogy to the desert, the sands of life, the hour glass idea..we are an eternity..some here some there...

    and we are dust...before and after...

    i am always so happy to read "your" words...we don't get those enough from you....

    i like your poems...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-09-23 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Also, this made me think of a passage in the bible, Genesis 18:27:

    And Abraham answering said, Truly, I who am only dust, have undertaken to put my thoughts before the Lord.

    Some interpretations of this call it the first prayer.

    Could it be that your words are a prayer of sorts?
    | Posted on 2011-09-23 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      I find light in this, and darkness. I also see all of creation. Being both oasis and dust. . .

    life and death, everything and nothing. . .

    Do not give up writing in English. Many of us who speak no other language struggle much more than you! Also, I think sometimes those who are newer to our language can see things in it that we do not. Perhaps we're jaded by our own understanding. And please do not leave ES.

    Your insight is unique. Your words are earnest. What more is there than that for a poet and his poetry?

    Jane
    | Posted on 2011-09-23 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192645

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Push written by JanePlane
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry