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    dots Submission Name: Night Air Gracedots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 383
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 679


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    dotsNight Air Gracedots

    my mind stretches to the limitations of thought as we go sailing over hills
    and I am staring at the digital numbers on the sterio clock

    I am layed back, curled on my side, feeling the movement of the car,

    you are silent
    I am silent

    the wind is kind and gently blows in through a partly cracked window

    the night air is full, electric,
    satisfied in my arms and holding me back

    the embrace of the moment
    exceeds any qualm I may have with you
    gives me patience when your lips part
    to say
    things you never mean
    but keep repeating out of childish habit

    Submitted on 2011-09-26 12:42:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You put me in the seat riding along in the car, giving me a peace to ignore the mundane talk of nothing. I first misread the words feeling the movement of the car as feeling the moment of the car which I like better. Jacoberin is right about spelling. Incorrect spelling tends to focus a reader on that instead of going with the flow of the work. You might run spell check after you let your creative process run its course. However, I wouldn't let concern about spelling tie me down. Shakespeare has various spellings of the same words in his works and who cares? In any case, such things as spelling tend to correct themselves with time. - Jim
    | Posted on 2011-09-29 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      the limitations of thought seem to me the limitations of the male the speaker is talking about..

    he is immature...but then, he is mine...and i will love him silently and hope he grows up...

    maybe she just feels she needs him because there is no one else...and it would be too lonely without him..so she puts up with him..

    i like the stereo clock idea..

    like there are thoughts coming to me in stereo..one side the pros, the other side the cons...

    careful of spellings..."stereo"
    and also "i am laid back"

    i like the feel of the piece..reminds me of high school, driving down the road with my girlfriend...listening to the music..

    and makes me hope that i wasn't too immature then...

    | Posted on 2011-09-26 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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