[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Night Air Gracedots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 396
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 679


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNight Air Gracedots

    my mind stretches to the limitations of thought as we go sailing over hills
    and I am staring at the digital numbers on the sterio clock

    I am layed back, curled on my side, feeling the movement of the car,

    you are silent
    I am silent

    the wind is kind and gently blows in through a partly cracked window

    the night air is full, electric,
    satisfied in my arms and holding me back

    the embrace of the moment
    exceeds any qualm I may have with you
    gives me patience when your lips part
    to say
    things you never mean
    but keep repeating out of childish habit

    Submitted on 2011-09-26 12:42:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You put me in the seat riding along in the car, giving me a peace to ignore the mundane talk of nothing. I first misread the words feeling the movement of the car as feeling the moment of the car which I like better. Jacoberin is right about spelling. Incorrect spelling tends to focus a reader on that instead of going with the flow of the work. You might run spell check after you let your creative process run its course. However, I wouldn't let concern about spelling tie me down. Shakespeare has various spellings of the same words in his works and who cares? In any case, such things as spelling tend to correct themselves with time. - Jim
    | Posted on 2011-09-29 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      the limitations of thought seem to me the limitations of the male the speaker is talking about..

    he is immature...but then, he is mine...and i will love him silently and hope he grows up...

    maybe she just feels she needs him because there is no one else...and it would be too lonely without him..so she puts up with him..

    i like the stereo clock idea..

    like there are thoughts coming to me in stereo..one side the pros, the other side the cons...

    careful of spellings..."stereo"
    and also "i am laid back"

    i like the feel of the piece..reminds me of high school, driving down the road with my girlfriend...listening to the music..

    and makes me hope that i wasn't too immature then...

    | Posted on 2011-09-26 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bond written by saartha
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    Linger written by saartha
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]